The Hidden Enemy: Selfish Desires and Their Consequences

The source of conflicts. (James 4:1-3, NIV)

The #1 cause of fights, conflicts, quarrels, and broken relationships is selfishness and selfish desires. We can be selfish without realizing it, but others will notice. Selfish desires are often hidden, even from ourselves.

Self-check: Am I selfish or do I have selfish desires?

12 signs of selfishness:

1. 1. 1. Your first thought is: “what’s in it for me?” (Philippians 2:3-4, NIV)
      2. You demand your way or get upset when things don’t go as you planned. (James 4:6, NIV)
      3. You expect more from others than you are willing to give. (Galatians 5:13, NIV)
      4. You make everything about yourself. (Romans 12:3, NIV)
      5. You do things for others, but secretly expect something in return. (Acts 20:35, NIV)
      6. You don’t keep promises or commitments. (Ecclesiastes 5:5, NIV)
      7. You don’t do your fair share. (Proverbs 14:23, NIV)
      8. You hold grudges. (Ephesians 4:31-32, NIV)
      9. You’re so focused on yourself that you miss what others are going through. (Romans 12:15, NIV)
      10. You rarely apologize, and when you do, you don’t truly mean it. (Proverbs 28:13, NIV)
      11. You don’t consider the consequences of your actions. (Galatians 6:7-8, NIV)
      12. You struggle to celebrate the success of others. (Romans 12:10, NIV)

Don’t slander or judge others. (James 4:11-12, NIV)

Slander: After you speak, does the listener think less of the person you spoke about?

Gossip: When you are not part of the problem or solution, but you still talk about it.

Do not gossip; we gossip because we think it makes us look better or fit in. (Proverbs 20:19, NIV) Even if what you say is true, does it build others up or tear them down?

Acknowledge God’s sovereignty over your plans. (James 4:13-17, NIV)

1. • If today was your last day, what would you want to say?
   • If today was your last day, what would you do?
   • If today were your last day, what unfinished business do you need to settle?

Homework Challenge: Pick one thing you would do if today were your last day, and do it this week.