How To Raise Kids Without Raising Your Blood Pressure
Proverbs 22:6, NKJV; Psalm 127:3, NLT2
Five insights to remember.
You will have war with your kids. (Proverbs 4:7, NKJV)
We don’t have to teach our children to sin, we have to teach them not to sin. Parents have to learn the difference between discipline and punishment (Proverbs 23:13-14, NLT2; Proverbs 13:24, NLT2)
Kids will break your heart. (Job 14:1, NKJV, NCV)
If and when it does happen, it will be devastating to you and often damaging to your child. Allow God to use it for a purpose to develop character, compassion for others, mercy, forgiveness, love, and acceptance.
You will fight with your spouse about how you are handling it. (How you will discipline the children) Genesis 3:16, NKJV;
Ladies, the pain will begin with childbirth, but the pain will continue if you try to rule your husband by stepping in if you don’t like the way he’s trying to lead and guide the family. Your husband will either get upset or just give, but the main reason he stopped trying to lead is because you kept wanting to lead. Your desire is for him to lead, but you also want to lead; when you get what you think you want you don’t want what you got.
Surrender – to become preoccupied and completely dependent upon Christ that reflects in our behavior. (Ephesians 5:22-25, NKJV)
Love – putting others before you and want what’s best for them.
Your kids will try to manipulate each of the parents to get their way.
When this happens first talk about it in private and then don’t allow it to continue.
You are in a war with the world.
Something will influence your children (TV, Social Media, Bill Boards, Drugs, Friends); You are in a war with the world; you must realize you are to be the greatest influence in their lives.
Sermon Video Transcription
James Greer: 00:00 Morning Journey Church. Man, I’m so excited about this new series raising kids without raising your blood pressure. That’s a catchy title and an impossible job. I’m going to tell you what. Hey, uh, I want to tell you some things that are not in the notes. I mean, God has such a great sense of humor. Look at a few of these pictures up here. Now number one picture this week. Uh, hello there you go. That’s me and my lovely wife. Yeah, yeah. Go. And then this next one I just really love. Oh, that’s me trying to kiss her. And then this was God preparing me to go out of town for a few days with some teenagers in preparing for this message.
James Greer: 00:39 This is what I want you to know. One of the things that’s not in the notes is, God wants you to love your mate. It’s one of the best things you could do when you’re raising your kids. The kid’s first perception of God is the parents and the parents had the greatest influence on the children. Now, if you’re, if you’re a single parent, what you can do is still the greatest influence on that child. If you’re a single mom and you don’t have your ex is not involved in the situation. We have some men that are probably be helpful or vice versa, but don’t talk bad about the other parent whenever possible because that is still their mom and their dad. So try not to do that.
James Greer: 01:38 But what I, what I want you to know, if you’re married, the first thing you can, the best thing you can do raising your kids is to love your mate. Another thing I want you to know that’s upcoming Wednesday, do we have a lot of exciting things coming up. And one of the things that you can do is to invite somebody. If you know somebody that’s going through a divorce, say hey, you know what, uh, you’re invited. If you know somebody that their parent and their child’s on drugs. Say, hey man, we’ve got a support group for you. If they’re grieving, we have a support group for you. If you know somebody is fixing to get married, say we have something for you. I mean just whatever it is. I mean we have things going from yoga to aerobics to uh, to grief support. Just on and on and on. And what I would do is, hold this bulletin up, hold it up for a minute. What I would do, is ask God who he would have you to invite. I mean, we’re all about outreach. Amen? I don’t want our church to become a church who just sits, sour and soak.
James Greer: 02:53 I want God to lay somebody upon your heart that you reach out. Now, one the best things in the world, if you don’t have our church app on your phone, you need to get it on your phone. Because it has so many different things. But, one of the things that it has, it has everything from the messages to outlines. But, it also says find a group and it has the link on there and you can just open it up, touch the link, and you can go sign up right there on your phone or you can give it to somebody or you can send it to somebody. You just go right there and it goes to all the different ones. And so if you don’t have it, just go to jcpineville.com and here they are and you can just click on it and send them the link.
James Greer: 03:37 I want you to be a church that’s involved in inviting people. Amen? So, I want you to make it a just a goal to invite somebody. Invite them to church, invite them to a support group, but be a part of it. Okay? Okay. Let’s welcome the Alexandria campus. Amen? And Alexandria campus, you are invited, not only to participate now, you’re invited Wednesday night. So be a part of that.
James Greer: 04:24 How to raise your kids without raising your blood pressure. I say that’s an exciting title, but an impossible task. We’re imperfect parents trying to raise imperfect kids. Proverbs 22:6 says, train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it. But what it doesn’t tell you is all the trouble. You all thought I was going to say, all the hell you go through until they get old. But, I wasn’t going to say that. But it just, all the struggles you go through til they get old children are a gift from God. Psalms 127:3 says, children are a gift from God and they’re your reward. And the problem is children are, but they grew up to be teenagers where they torture you.
James Greer: 04:49 Kids are great, you know, it’s tough being a parent, it’s very difficult. It’s very demanding. And this is what happened. About the time you get a little bit experience. About the time you really, really understand them a little bit. They’re old enough to leave home and you’re about to die. I mean, that’s just what happens. Everything else you think you know and you really don’t know. So I want to give you about five insights that you probably don’t know that you need to know, and then I’ll give you some action steps. Okay?
James Greer: 05:02 Always remember this Proverbs 4:7 says, wisdom is the principle thing. And therefore get understanding with all of your getting, get understanding. The number one thing you need to know as a parent or if you’re getting married, period, that you’ll have war with your kids. It’s going to be a war. And the reason I know that because Psalms 51:5 says this, hmm, for I was born a sinner. When I say I was born a sinner the word means I was born mischief.
James Greer: 05:57 Yes. From the very moment my mother conceived me, the Psalmist said, parents, you don’t have to teach your children or your teens to sin. You have to teach them not to sin. I’ve heard per say, I don’t know where my child learned that they just inherited it. They were born sinners. The Bible says that we’re born into sin. That’s why parents, listen you’ve got to learn the difference between discipline and punishment. Proverbs 23:13 and 14 says this, don’t fail to, do what? Discipline your children. They’re not going to die if you spank them. Now, I know we’re going through a generation. We’re just going to sit them in the corner. We’re going to take the little toy, take their phone. Whatever you all do today, I don’t know. But they’re not going to die if you spank your child. It’s going to be okay.
James Greer: 06:59 For physical discipline may save them from death. One of the translations says, you might save them from going to hell if you discipline them. I’m going to give you a free insight. The right discipline. You ready, the right kind of discipline can save your child, keep them out of trouble, both physically and spiritually. Ooh, that’s good. The right discipline will help keep your child out of trouble physically and spiritually. That’s why Proverbs 13:24 says this, those who spare the rod of discipline, hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them. I’ll tell you what, in today’s society, I don’t hear anybody talking about disciplining the kids. Just love them. We don’t discipline them today. Why not? The Bible says so. This is what happens today. You think you know more than God. That’s what got Adam and Eve in trouble in the first place. God said, you don’t do that and you say, I’m smarter than God. And we’ve had the fall ever since then, let me tell you, you’re really not smarter than God.
James Greer: 08:05 The Bible says, if you love them, see love is way more than an emotion. Love is a repeated action. The right way over and over again, and then emotion comes. Nobody emotionally gets excited about discipline your kids, unless you’re sick. The husband, wife, Oh, hey honey, it’s my turn. I can’t wait. Let me do it. Oh, we never had that in our house. Nobody, Honey, they’re acting up please let me discipline them. You don’t get excited about it, but you do it because you like the results. I can remember me and my wife driving in the car and looking at each other saying, man, he just saying somebody discipline me. My son, especially Jimmy. Oh, she just say go ahead and spank him and get it over with. He’ll feel better and so will we. I mean, it’s just the way it was.
James Greer: 09:14 Can I tell you something? If you’re married long enough, there’ll be times, I know. Don’t look at your mate right now, look at me. If you’re married long enough, there is going to be times you do not love your mate emotionally. Because they’re going to say something and do something to hurt you so bad, you don’t love them emotionally. So what you do, because you love them, you continue to do the right action over and over long enough until the emotions come. Don’t say, well that’s never happened to us, honey. Yes it has. So second of all, tell me about it, you ready. Your kids are going to break your heart. Your kids are going to break your heart, your mate’s going to break your heart. It’s just going to happen. Unless you have sometimes you have one that’s just really, really a good kid. You need to have another one. It just drives me crazy when they have one child and it’s a really, really good child and they’re looking at everybody else and they just say that if my child did that. Oh, you got it coming. I just start praying for those parents. As soon as they say that I did. But you know, you got one that’s really good. But, can I tell you what? Sooner or later your child’s going to break your heart. It’s just going to happen.
James Greer: 10:00 It’s just like those couples, when I used to do marriage counseling and they’d come in and I said, I want to tell you about this, I want to tell you. Oh yes. Not me, not my husband. My husband won’t do that. My wife, she’ll never do that. So yeah, I mean it’s just no sense to tell them they just believe it’s all going to be okay. And I tell you, it’s not going to always be okay. Because I’m not okay and you’re not. Okay. Because Job said in Job 14:1 so whether you’re a man, woman, boy or girl, Huh? Who you’re born of, a woman is not pure many days and you’re just full of trouble. It just happens like that. Another translation says, all of us were born a woman, live a few days and then just lots of trouble comes. I mean, soon as you get them home from the hospital, the trouble starts, doesn’t it? The word trouble means it’s like an unbroken horse. Until they’re trained, they are trouble. They are the, they’re going to do things and say things that break your heart. Doesn’t mean you don’t love them. Doesn’t even mean that they don’t love you. It’s just the facts and you need to know that.
James Greer: 11:15 You need to know that there was a time that you probably did things, you did do things. You broke your parents heart, you loved them and they loved you, but, but you did. This is why you need to know that because if you don’t live in the real world and if you don’t understand these things, it’ll devastate you. Listen really close and you’re responsible for the damage of your child. If you don’t understand that they’re going to break your heart. You’re, you’re just giving and you’re giving, you’re giving and you’re giving and you’re giving, you submit. I just can’t believe that. Then they do something that breaks your heart and then you’re devastated. Then you say something that damages them. It’s just going to happen, but because the way you respond.
James Greer: 12:17 Instead of allowing God to use it for a purpose. When your child or when somebody really breaks your heart and you’re devastated and it will happen, let God still have his purpose. His purpose is always to develop us is to develop you, is to develop your child. The God can always and always will take things that hurt us and devastate us and use them to develop us the most. Now listen, you’re going to have times in your life. There’s something will come in your life. It may not be with your child, but it’s going to happen. It may be with your mate, it might be on your job, but something’s going to come into your life that’s going to devastate you. Allow God to take the devastation and use it to develop your life. When I say develop your life is to build character. You weren’t compassionate and now you become compassionate. You never showed mercy, and now you have mercy. You can now show forgiveness and love and acceptance. You kids are going to break your heart. Other people are going to hurt you. Allow God to use it to develop. You don’t continue to live in a state of devastation.
James Greer: 13:41 Third, you and your spouse are going to fight about the way to raise your kids. It’s going to happen. One of you is going to be too strict and one of you just going to be too liberal and you’re just going to fight about it. It just happens. Uh, I mean, me and my wife used to fight about it all the time. Uh, you know, it just does, also because the way we were created from the beginning because of the fall, we fight about it. Got to be careful about that. You need to agree in public and fight in private. Amen? Agree in public fight and private.
James Greer: 14:35 In Genesis 3:16, I’m going to teach you something. To the Lord. he, God said, I will greatly multiply sorrow and your conception, this is part of the fall. You sin, so this going to happen. Ladies, when you, they’d kill me. I had been in the room a few times. When you have a baby there is sorrow, and all the women’s said Amen. And the pain you show will bring forth children. But the problem with that is after that the pain is gone. You do it again.
James Greer: 15:19 Here’s where the sin, here’s the fall, here’s where it is. Your desire shall be to your husband and you shall desire to rule over him. That’s the curse. You want to be with your husband, but you also want to rule over him. You won’t him to rule, but you want the rule. That’s the curve. That’s what really happens. Honey I want you to be in charge, but I really want to be in charge. You discipline. I don’t like the way you do it. I want you to pay the bills. No, no, no. I’m going to pay the bills. Do you understand ladies? That is the curse. That was not simply having pain during childbirth. God said because of that, ladies what in the world was the woman doing talking to Satan and sinning anyways?
James Greer: 15:54 Here’s a thought. See, because what’s going to happen, and because of the curse, you desire to be for your husband and he shall rule over you. Your desire is to be with him and for him. He’ll take the lead, but you also desire to rule over him. Honey, I want you to take the lead, but I don’t like the way you lead, so I’m going to lead. So what happens is through the battle, if you’re not careful, he either gives up like Adam and becomes wimpy instead of a warrior, or you fight about it. Instead of understanding that God just puts you in this way to balance each other out. He’s either too stern and you need to say honey back off, or he just backs off when you need to tell him to step up. You all were put together on purpose, but let me tell you what, you better be careful so if not, he’ll just become passive. Now you’re paying the bills, you’re raising the kids and you’re doing everything else and you’re upset because he’s become so passive. He’s upset because he’s not the man that God called him to be.
James Greer: 17:07 See, it’s not, it’s not just him and it’s not just you. It’s both of you. You all do it together. Encourage each other. Talk about it. Both of you need to know what the bills are. You don’t wait to say, Hey, you know what? She just spends all the money. Get your butt up there and see where the money’s going. Yes? Do it together. Write it down. Talk about it. It’s funny but it’s not, because I see it happening all the time. Grow Up.
James Greer: 17:44 That’s what Ephesians did when Ephesians 5:22 said, wives submit to your own husband not somebody else’s. Okay. How about that for a change? I know women, they’ll submit to everybody else but their own husband. By the way, I don’t think it’s funny that you make fun of your mates. I think you love them. Wives submit to your own husbands as unto the what? The Lord. What I say is, you surrender. You become preoccupied and more dependent upon Christ that reflect into your behavior. I mean you’d get excited about your husband being a success. You come under his protected authority.
James Greer: 18:03 That’s a new thought. Amen Brother James. Wouldn’t this be a new thought at Journey Church. We start doing what the Bible says. Yes, I love it. And all the ladies said. And all the men step up. Grow Up. Nope, I was going to say something else. But anyway. Amen. Verse 23, I know, stay on track here before I get in trouble, for husband is the head of the wife as also Christ is the head of the church and he is the savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husband in everything. Guess what husbands, husbands don’t know this verse. Husbands know one verse, wives submit to your husband. They don’t know this one. Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself. I’ve never known a wife that didn’t mind submitting if their husband loved him like the church. In other words, Honey, I’m going to put you before everything. I would die for you. You’re before the kids, you’re before my hobby, you’re before my boat. You’re before everything. You’re going to get first place in everything in my life. I’m going to love you so much. It’s going to be the right repeated action. I’ll be last.
James Greer: 20:31 I can remember when I was young, when I used to travel some and we’d go somewhere. I would always call my wife if I was going to stay out very late, or if I was going to work late, I can remember some of the guys, got to go call his wife. Then later on I found out their wives didn’t care. I didn’t have to call my wife? I wanted to call my wife. I want her to know where I was. I wanted her to know what I was doing. It was mutual respect.
James Greer: 20:50 Number four, get off that and before I get in trouble, your kids will try to manipulate you. They’re just going to do it. They’re going to try to, if they think dad’s going to say no, they’re going to go ask mom if they can go. If they think mom’s going to say no, they’re going to ask dad. You do understand. I told you, your children are sinners from birth. They’re trouble from birth. They’re manipulators. They want their own way. They’re selfish. Yes, your kids, that’s your kids I’m talking about, not mine. You know it’s not my kids? Because my kids are grown. But anyway, so your kids are manipulating you and they’re trying to get their own way and now they’ll play each other against one another. And then what’s crazy is I see each other fighting each other because their kids are trying to manipulate you and then you fight, instead of fight the kid. Get on the same page, decide what they can do, where they can go, what they can’t do. You all agree in public and fight in private. And everybody said Amen.
James Greer: 21:56 Now, they’re going to do it. And when they get older, they do it even more. Set some boundaries together. Talk about it beforehand. Agree what you’re going to do. They’re manipulative. I told you this was going to be like the normal message that you hear every Sunday. You all going to say you just love them and they love you back. That’s not true. You can love them all you want. They’re not going to love you back. They want their way. They’re selfish. They’re sinners, so they’re going to manipulate you.
James Greer: 22:39 You’re at war with the world. You’re at war with social media, with billboards, with drugs, with school. I want you to know that as a group, if your kids, when they get ready to drive before they drive, say okay, we’re going to all be on 360. You drive, we drive together. You get to know where I’m at. I get to know where you’re at. Everybody does it. If you’re here today and your child’s is fixing to drive, just say, hey, we all get on 360. 360 is an app that they get to see where I’m at and I get to see where they’re at. And they get to see if speed, I get to see if they speed. I get in trouble all the time. All the time. My wife calls me and tells me to slow down, all of time. I’m working about the next three weeks, at the end of the session I’ll give you some apps to download on filtering your phone and your computers. And yes, your kids can get around them, but why don’t we at least start.
James Greer: 23:46 I’m not joking at all. I think we’re at war, and I think you are being very naive. Pornography is rampant. And you’re giving them a phone at six, seven years old and they’re looking at things they shouldn’t be looking at, until ever really, but they are. So let’s agree as a church, we’re going to fight back. And just say hey, because they’re going to say I don’t want to do it and say, hey, you know, we just agreed to church. You know we’re going to track each other. Nothing wrong with that. Why would they worry about you knowing where they’re at and you knowing where you’re at. Right? Why will you not filter. Some of the adults need filters and we put filters on their phones the same way. So by the end of the sessions, we’ll do those things.
James Greer: 24:42 But in closing, I want to give you some application. Okay? Number one. If you want to raise kids without raising your blood pressure. You need to be in church and you need to have them in church. The Bible says, unless the Lord builds the house, you labor in vain. The Bible says, you shouldn’t stay away from church. We got children being baptized today and the kids in youth are going to be baptized today because they’d been in church. You need to be in church and you need to have your kids in church. Second, you need t get your priorities, right? Matthew 6:33 says, seek ye first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, and everything else will be added unto you. If your priorities get right, your parenting gets right. If your priorities start getting right, you get positionally right. If your priorities get right and you get positionally right, you get the power of God. So, you need to be in church.
James Greer: 25:42 You need to understand there’s a war. You’re in a war with your kids, there is a war with your mate. Make sure you’re fighting the right war. The Bible says, we war not against principalities, but against powers. Learn how to fight spiritually. Take on the whole armor of God. Intercede for your kids, for your mate. Fight spiritually. Stand in the gap. Pray hedges of protection around them. Pray for the right mate. Pray that their hearts stay tender. When you get devastated and you will be devastated. Some of you all are devastated right now. Some of you it has been a mate, some has been your kids. Somebody who’s been a friend, somebody who’s been on the job quit trying to figure out the devastation. Say God, just start developing me. God build character in my life. God help me to show compassion, mercy, love. Who do I need to forgive? God most of all right now, especially Jane, as she gets ready to close, help me just to surrender my life. Surrender in God’s way, in God’s will in such a way that right now, I just become so preoccupied, so completely dependent upon God. I not only want it to reflect in my behavior. I want it to result in a strange peace upon my life even right here this morning. So, whether it is to join the church, rededicate your life, follow through in baptism, or just simply come and surrender and pray. I want you to stand as I pray with you and pray for you.
James Greer: 27:11 God, you’re such an awesome God, I want you to know that I love you. I want journey church to be special. God, pray for every parent in here this morning. God, I pray that you would give them insights. God, those that aren’t parents that are grandparents. God, I pray for every person here today, everyone that’s been hurt. I pray that you would comfort them. God, you’re the God of all comfort. God, you said that your grace is sufficient. Got It. You can only have your grace and that sufficiency if they know the Lord Jesus Christ. God not just joined the church, not just been baptized. God, if they’re here today and they’re not sure if they have Christ in their heart, that they would just come out and just step out. Say, Hey, I want to make sure I have Jesus Christ as my personal Savior. I want to follow through and public baptism. I want to join this church. I want to be part there. I want you to jump in. I’ve been devastated. I need to find peace, forgiveness, compassion. I want somebody to pray with me. I want them to pray for me. Whatever God’s laid upon your heart, I pray that you would just step out. Let God have his will and his way in your life. It’s in Christ’s name I pray. Amen.
Recorded in Pineville, Louisiana.