How To Raise Kids Without Raising Your Blood Pressure
Proverbs 4:7, NKJV
Insights on __________________.
Without understanding, we can’t enjoy anything. We must understand the difference between __________ and ______________.
Punishment – inflicts a penalty for the past out of anger; results in fear, guilt, and anger.
Discipline – promotes growth for the future; results in love and security.
Simply notice your child’s reaction to see how you are doing. (1 John 4:18, NRSV; Ephesians 6:4, TLB) We must understand each child’s ___________. (Psalm 103:13-14, NLT2) We need to study our kids to understand them. (Proverbs 24:3, GNT) We must discover their potential abilities and encourage them in that direction. (Proverbs 22:6, NKJV)
Things every child needs to be __________________.
________: to be loved and give love; Our #1 purpose is “Be loved by God”; Accept His Love. (1 John 3:1, AMP; John 3:16, NKJV)
To show love and teach our children to love we must to understand love is more an action than simply an emotion.
_________: Shows love. (Psalm 145:9, NLT2) Everyone in the family hug and even kiss.
__________: (Psalm 145:14, CEV)
Everyone falls, we need to be there to help lift them up.
__________: Time (Shows the most love) (1 Corinthians 13:8, CEV)
The truth about love is it needs to be received, but it also needs to be given.
___________: Show them respect and teach them to show respect. (Philippians 2:3; 1 Corinthians 13:5, NCV; Romans 13:1-2, CEV; Ephesians 6:4a, TLB
Spirit Commitment: We need to have a strong spiritual commitment to be able to teach our children to have a strong spiritual commitment.
Read the Word, Be in Church, be in small groups, have your children at church and in small groups.
Independent or Dependent
Grow to the point they are no longer dependent upon you or anyone else but God.
Competent or Godly Confidence
Know who they are in Christ.
Consistent & Faithful
My yes be yes and my no be no. (Psalm 145:13, NCV; Matthew 5:37, NKJV)
One of the #1 causes of rebellion in children is parents telling them they are going to do something and not do it.
______________: Philippians 4:11-13
Focusing on all you don’t have. Hidden sin most don’t know they have and few confess it and admit it.
Focusing on all you do have. Open, refreshing, and satisfying. Learned by practicing and repeating out loud.
Sermon Video Transcription
James Greer: 00:01 Good morning Journey Church. Man, did that praise team, whew! Amen? Let’s welcome Alexandria campus. Amen. There you go. Hey, did everybody receive one of these? Let’s see it. Let’s see it. Let’s see it. And Alexandria campus we want to see yours to. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Not only do we want to hold it up while you’re holding it up, I’m going to pray for you. Hold it up. Close your eyes. Father, we just thank you for today. We thank you for that song. We thank you for the message. God, we pray that you would lay up on our heart, somebody that needs to be here, somebody that wants to be a better parent, a better mom, a better dad. And God, you’d give us somebody to lay this on them and invite them to come next Sunday. It’s in Christ’s name we pray. Everybody said, Amen. Listen, don’t keep this. Give it to somebody. Everybody knows somebody that needs to be here and how to be a better parent.
James Greer: 01:01 Now, the title of the message is how to raise kids without raising your blood pressure. And I know that’s an impossible task. But not only that, most of these principles are relationship principles, that can apply in any relationship. Proverbs 4:7 says this, wisdom is the principle thing. Therefore, get wisdom. And all that getting, get understanding. So insights, number one, insights, on understanding. See, one thing, you could have a nice home, you can have lots of money, but without understanding, you cannot enjoy them. So the second thing I want you to do, I want you to understand the difference between discipline and punishment. Punishment inflicts a penalty for the past out of anger, and it results in fear, guilt, and anger. The way you’re going to eventually learn how, if you’re punishing or discipline, is the results afterwards. Okay discipline, this discipline promotes growth in the future. It results in love and security. So, how do you know what you’re doing? How do you know if I’m punishing? How do I know if I’m disciplining?
James Greer: 02:40 How do I know when I get in a disagreement with my spouse? Now I know Journey Church people, you all don’t get in disagreements with your spouses, but other people do. It’s simple. It’s simple. What’s the reaction when it’s over? When you get through the disagreement, when you get through with the problem when you get through with the debate, whatever you want to call it. Is there still love? Is there still security or is there fear and is there anger? See, 1 John 4:8 puts it this way, therefore there’s no fear in love, but perfect love cast out fear. For fear has to do with punishment. For whosoever fears has not reached perfect love. So see it is the same and whether it’s relationship, whether it’s punishment with your kids, whether it’s discipline with your kids. Where there’s disagreement. See, we always got to learn whether to discipline or argument or disagreement. We discipline with relationship in mind, not reputation.
James Greer: 03:34 Man, I wish I’d have known that when I was younger. My kids would act up and I was worried about what you would think. Especially when I was the Pastor and I was at church and you know, I’d tell my son or daughters or somebody to do something and they didn’t do it. While I was worried about I’m supposed to be the preacher and my kids are supposed to mind and they don’t. So, I would get upset. And I was more worried many times about my reputation, than I was the relationship with my child. And so then I would discipline many times out of anger, instead of it didn’t have the right results. Where instead of taking the time to go and say, Hey man, I love you, we’re not going to do it that way. But when you discipline out of anger, you don’t get the kind of results that God would have and you’d have.
James Greer: 04:17 So, what I’m trying to do is to tell you, and it’s the same thing in a relationship with your wife. When you get in a argument, or you may say, I want to win. I don’t even know what it’s about. We start arguing and I want to win. I’ve got to win this. I mean, I want to win. The arguments not to win, but it’s to resolve and I’m trying to help you. So, when we do it, how’s the end result? Do we end up with love and security or is it anger? I mean Ephesians, he tells us, I have a word for the parents. I have a word for husbands and wives. Don’t keep scolding and nagging each other. Don’t keep nagging your mate. Don’t keep nagging your kids, because it will result in anger and resentment. You know, rather bring them up in loving discipline that the Lord himself would approve. With suggestions and godly advice.
James Greer: 05:13 I mean, we all need godly advice. Amen? And we all need wisdom. But none of us like nagging. Your kids don’t want you to nag them. I don’t want my wife to nag me and she’s not here, so I can tell you. If she nags me, I get upset. When I nag her, she gets upset. I’ve got a great wife. Be careful about nagging. You don’t get what you want. You get what you don’t want. And the same thing with kids. They get angry. So, what do you do? So, I’m telling you all this applies with relationship, not only with your kids, but with your spouse and relationships period. You go on the job. Who’s the person that irritates you the most? The person that’s always nagging. There’s always somebody on the job that is always complaining, is always nagging, and they irritate the fool out of you. And guess what? That person does not realize they’re that person. You might be sitting next to that person. Everybody just did this all of a sudden.
James Greer: 07:03 Number three, number three, you ready? You’ve got to understand your child’s uniqueness. Uniqueness. Each child is unique. Each mate is unique. So, number three is the uniqueness. And the Bible says, in Psalms 103:13 he puts it like this. The Lord is like a father to his children. He’s tender, he’s compassionate to those that fear him. Are you ready? For he knows, when it says knows put the word understands. God understands us. He understands how we’re made. He understands our weakness. He understands our personality. He understands how weak we are, and he remembers, he remembers we’re only dust. We came from dust. We shall return to dust. But, what he said when he says knows, is that I know what makes them tick. I know their makeup, I know their personality.
James Greer: 07:56 But, did you for men in 1 Peter, God tells men to know their wives. That wasn’t a sexual know them at that point. It says, I want you to know they’re weaker than you are. Now I know all of today’s tv shows. Do you all watch all these detective tv shows. I never knew women were so tough, man. They’re in charge today. They’re beaten up all the men. They’re flipping them over, they’re catching them. So, 1 Peter doesn’t apply to you all. But for the rest of the women, the Bible says, we as men are supposed to know you and we know that you’re a weaker vessel than men.
James Greer: 08:36 Now men, that means to understand them, which is absolutely impossible. There is no way that you can understand a woman. Because if you understand them today, she will change tomorrow. And so with that said, it doesn’t mean you’re going to understand. It does mean to understand that they are weaker than you. It does mean you’re supposed to understand, there’s times if you’re both going at the same pace, there’s going to be times that you need to protect her. There’s times to say, okay honey, you need to rest some and let me take over. There are some times she’s under greater pressure than you, and you’re supposed to be the man and man up and quit wimping out. Amen? That’s what it means. So man, you quit acting like women, and women you quit trying to act like the man. Let him man up. You’re supposed to know her. Thank you, Jesus. It’s still true.
James Greer: 09:20 But anyway, back to the kids. Back to the kids. Let’s talk about kids. The Bible says this. You’re supposed to know them, what their makeup is. You know their personality. Proverbs 24:3 says this, homes are built, marriages are built, relationships are built on the foundation of wisdom and understanding. Wisdom kind of, hey, you want to have a better home? Have the mind of God on the matter. The foundation, you want to have better relationships? What’s the mind of God on a matter and have understanding, and understand is how can I apply it to day to day life? If I had the mind of God or any matter, and I know how to apply it on a day to day basis, you’re going to have a great foundation. You’re going to have a great home. You’re going to have great kids. You’re going to have a great marriage, but not worldly wisdom and not worldly understanding, it’s godly wisdom and understanding.
James Greer: 10:09 When I say wisdom do this, say, I wonder what the mind to God is this? How do we know the mind of God? The word of God. See the more of the word of God you know, the more of the will of God, you know. And the more of the word of God, more the will of God, the better understanding you’ll have if you’ll learn how to apply it on a day to day basis. So how do we do that? Well, you need to study your kids if you want to know them. Yes, study them to understand them. Each one of them is unique. What motivates them and what discourages them. I can look back at so many times that I could look back now and see things I did to discourage my kids. I can see that many times I wounded their spirit and I would just say, well, they shouldn’t have been doing that. I can see just you know, how they just, listen moms and dads. You watch your kids and you’ll know. Don’t wound their spirit. Find their uniqueness. Find their personality.
James Greer: 10:51 When the Bible says, and we quote it all the time, it says, train up a child in the way that they should go and when they’re older, they’ll not depart from it. That means find their temperament, their unique bent. Their natural way God fit them in. Their individual giftedness and discover their potential ability and encourage them in that direction. Don’t try to force them into a box and surely don’t fantasize, try to do what you did. Maybe you’re a ball player or a hunter or fisher or computerer or a cameraer or teacher or whatever. Don’t force them to fit what you did. Let them be who they are. Encourage them to be that.
James Greer: 11:52 Discover their individual ability, and you can only do that with two things, time and study. If you spend time, if don’t study them, you’ll miss it. Because there’s a unique bent gift potential in every child. I loved it, a while ago I was getting ready to baptize her and she looked at me and she said, man, I’m so glad our group home brings us here. Then you know what she said, I’m special to God and I know God made me special. Did you know everybody here you’re special? Did you know you are unique? Do you know our child is? Do you know your mate is? Do you know your grand kids are special? They are. Even if your kids aren’t, your grand kids are but, it’s just the way it is, you know. But, what are you doing to study them? Let me ask you another question before we go to the next one. Do you understand your mate and your kid’s uniqueness? Study them.
James Greer: 12:52 Second, you understand there’s things that every child needs to be a, the word is success. Success. The same is true with me and you. There’s things that you need and there’s things that I need to be a success. If you want to be successful, let me give you a few things you’ve got to have. Number one is love. But listen, you’ve got to be loved, but you’ve got to teach them to give love. You need to be loved and give love. You know your number one calling and your number one purpose in life is to be loved and receive love. See, that’s your purpose before everything else is to be loved.
James Greer: 13:27 In 1 John 3:1, see what an incredible quality of love the father, who is God, has shown to us. Why? That we would be permitted to be named, to be called and counted to be the children of God. In other words, I want you to know that God loves you. But listen, allow him to love you. That’s your number one calling and purpose in life. It’s not my calling is not to preach until I’m loved by God. Your call is not to teach until you’re loved by God. Your call is not to follow the kingdom of God, until your loved by God. Can I tell you a secret? You are loved by God but permit him to love you. Amen? But can I tell you a little secret? You also need to give love. Do you know what happened? If you just love your child, love your child. Everybody else loves child and you don’t teach your child to love you. You raised a spoiled brat and I see them all the time. Bunch of Spoiled brats. You love him. Look, I don’t know why they act like that, because you never taught them to give love even though you loved them. Amen, brother James.
James Greer: 14:40 You’ve got to show it. You got to teach them to give it. 1 Corinthians 13:5 says, don’t be selfish. We show love. We teach them to love. See love is an action, man. It’s way, way more than an emotion. If you learn to show love as an action when you have to discipline your kids, they’ll have security and love. But if you don’t show action in a love, then when you discipline your kids, they’ll take it as a punishment. Let me give you a few ways you can show love. You ready? Number one, number one, affection. You can also do that in a marriage. It’s okay. You can hold hands. You can put your arms around them. You can kiss them. I mean, I wish I had my picture from last Sunday. I had a picture of me trying to kiss my wife and my tongue was out and she wouldn’t take it. It was still fun. What’s you all don’t know is that I had already done it, and then she moved.
James Greer: 16:48 Anyway, anyway. There you go. Affection. Number two, number three, whatever it is, affirmation. Affirmation. Psalms 145:14, when people stumble or fail or fall, give them a hand helping them up. Amen? My wife is the greatest at this. Did you know that my wife shows more love to me when I fail, than any other time in life. Every time I’ve gone through great failure, she’s been my greatest encouragement. She never kicked me when I was down. Through my greatest disappointments through my greatest failure, she showed her greatest love and greatest encouragement. I can tell you the only time I was ever without a job, I was on the couch. I was almost crying. I said, honey, I’m so upset. She said, honey good thing about you, if you have to dig ditches, baby, you are going to be the best dig ditcher in the world. Yeah. She said, yeah, you could do it. And so listen man, your kids need it. They’re going to fail. They strike out, said, man, that was a great strike out. Not everybody can strike out like that. I mean it, we got to do it, man. We got to get old ball. We got to offer affirmation. Yes, let’s do it. Okay.
James Greer: 18:12 You Ready? Ready. Love them the most when they’re the most unlovable. Love your mate the most when they’re the most allowable. Love your kids the most when they’re most unlovable. I had plenty of opportunities. I can remember when Kayla, I was going to let her learn to drive. Yeah. Well, she decided she was going to learn on her own a little bit, and she got in the car and she was in the driveway and she ran into the light pole. She leaves the car running, opens the door and starts screaming, running. Now, when I finally got a hold of her, she thought I was going beat her, which she needed, but I didn’t. That was the perfect time to show that I loved her. Love them. Your mate’s going to mess up. They’re going to someday, they’re going to lose their job. Something devastating is going to happen in their life. That’s the time. Love them most when they’re the most unlovable. And then they’ll love you the most.
James Greer: 19:15 It’s true. Try it. Some of you right now are going through something with your kids, going through with your mate. So, maybe child’s going to come to you one day and say, Hey, I’m sorry I’m pregnant. I’m not married. What are you going to do? You’re going to love them. Love them the most at that time. Something happens to them. I say, that’s the time to show it. Okay? Fourth, attention. Attention means time. 1 Corinthians 13:8 says, love it never fails. What does love do? Never fails, right? So when we give our time, guess what we’re saying? I love you. The truth about love is this. We receive it, we give it, but they need to give it to. We need to give our time to our kids, but we need to teach our kids, to give of their time. Warning couples, one or the other is usually a giver more than other. Don’t take advantage of the other person because there’ll be a time that you had taken advantage of them and they’ll know it. Give to each other to that person will eventually give out and you’ll wonder what happened.
James Greer: 20:52 I’ve seen it to people of 70 years old. I had one come in one day, 70 plus years old, and he was going to leave his wife and I asked him why? And he said, all I’ve done is I’ve always given, given, given to us. So what’s the difference day? Nothing. I said, well, why don’t you stand up 20 years ago? Because she never gets back. Free warning, both should give where the other person does not get out. Fifth, respect. We need to show respect and we need to give respect. We got the rock here. Okay. Love is not rude. Love is not selfish. You need to teach respect and you need to give respect. You need to teach your young people to respect. They need to respect their teachers. They respect police. They need to respect their pastor, they need to respect their youth, children’s minister. And most of all, they need to respect their parents.
James Greer: 21:27 The Bible says, those that rule over you have authority over you. They were put in place by God. You need to respect your kids and they need to respect others. The Bible says, the closer it gets to Christ coming back, they’ll be more disrespectful, there’ll be more ungrateful, there’ll be blasphemy, they’ll be rebellious, and they’ll be unkind. So we need to stand together teaching kids to be respectful, but we need to respect them. Don’t disrespect your children in front of other people. And don’t disrespect your wife and husband in front of other people. Ladies, don’t down your husband in front of people and laugh. It just drives me crazy. Do not do that, if you want do it, do it at private when you get your house. And men, don’t make fun of your wife out in public.
James Greer: 22:18 Six, have a spiritual commitment. Amen? Commitment to God’s church. Commitment to the word, commitment to a small group. You all ready? Stay up here, commitment to church. Yeah, you’re going to make your ,you all ready? You’re going to make your kids go to church, I mean school, right? And then I hear, I’m not going to make them go to church, though. What? You’re going to make them go to school. You’re going to make them go to a ball game, and you’re not going to make them go to church. That is wrong. School’s going to be over. Ball’s going to be over. Your eternity is going to last forever. Amen. Brother James. Some of you all said, you know what? Alright. We got to go. We got to go. We will teach them to be independent and dependent. Independent of you, but dependent on God. Independent of everything else, but dependent on God. Our goal is to raise them up one day and say, Hey man, I love you, but I’m not depending on you, I’m dependent on God. Amen?
James Greer: 23:04 Alright, Eight. I have a godly confidence all the way. You can have a godly confidence is to learn who you are in Christ. Man, they’re teaching our youth that and if you don’t have one of these, you need one. If you don’t know who you are in Christ, you really don’t know who you are. If you don’t have one of these. You ask Sherry, she’d be glad to get you one. Amen? Everybody this is who you are. It’s not what other people say it’s what Christ says about you. Okay? You need to know who you are. Need to have a godly confidence alright? Last, last, nope, second to last. You’ve got to be consistent and faithful. That’s number nine, consistent and faithful. Your yeses to be yes and your nos need to be nos. The Lord says he keeps all of his promises. Matthew 5:37 says, let your yes be yes. Number one cause of rebellion in young people today. Parents say, I’m going to do something and you don’t do it. Same thing. If you’re married and you tell your wife you’re going to do something, do it. Ladies, if you tell your husband you are going to do something, do it. Just say, let your yes be yes and your nos, nos. Amen?
James Greer: 24:19 Okay, let’s talk about number 10, contentment. Philippians 4:11 says, I don’t speak in regards of need. I’ve learned that whatever state I’m in to be content. Listen really close, 1 Thessalonians, it’s not up there and it’s not there. Verse 22:5 says a cloak of covetousness. Covetousness is the hidden sin in Christians. It’s the hidden sins that keep you from happiness and contentment.
James Greer: 24:44 It’s hidden, because you could come to church, you can accumulate things, you can teach, you can preach, but you covetousness. Your focus is on what you don’t have instead of thanking God for everything that you do have. It’s hidden. Most people don’t do it. Most Christians don’t confess it. They don’t admit it. Contentment’s openness, it’s refreshing, it’s satisfied and it’s learned. It’s spoken. It’s practice. As parents saying, man, we’re so blessed for what we had. I thank God for our church. I thank God for our home. I thank God for our car. Everything we have is a gift from God. But, so many people are griping about what they don’t have and what they wish they could have, where they wish they could go. Then their kids bring it up. So, usually you live a life of discontentment and that’s ungodly and that needs to be confessed as a sin. Thank you Jesus.
James Greer: 26:11 So, we are going to give them a taste it in just a minute. You are going to get to confess it. Laugh, but it’s not funny. I think it’s the number one sin in the church today. You know why you can’t tithe? Because you’re over obligated to things that are ungodly. You weren’t content with what you had. You know why your car notes, your house notes are too much, you weren’t content. It’s a sin. You’re just never satisfied. You know why you going from husband and husband, from guy to guy, from boy to boy, from home to home, from job to job. You thought it was your boss’ issue. You weren’t content with what you had. It’s the hidden sin. You don’t want to deal with it. So you want to blame somebody else for it. And some of you could change your life today and you can find a contentment and a happiness in a freedom and a joy that you’ve been missing. And God wants you to have. He wants you to be happy where you’re at and with what you have. Until you’re happy with what you have. If you had more, you wouldn’t be happy anyway.
James Greer: 26:54 Alright, let’s stand and I’ll close. By the way, I’m happy you’re here. And I’m happy if you want to get saved, and I’m happy if you want to join the church, I’m happy today. Amen?
James Greer: 27:34 All right, let’s pray. Precious Jesus, I just thank you for the day. I think for those that are here today, I don’t think they’re here by accident, but by divine appointment. God, for those that want to accept Christ in their heart, they cannot be content without that. God, for those that came God and they’re just dissatisfied with their life. Many times they blame other people, God by the power and the blood of Jesus Christ, I pray that you would open their spiritual eyes today. They will confess their sins, God, and you would set them free. God, I pray. I pray today that we don’t focus on all these areas. We pick one or two to work on with our kids and one or two to work on in our marriage. God, I pray that we learn the secret of freedom. We confess the hidden sin of covetousness. We learned to speak out loud, the goodness of God and all the things you’ve given us. God, I pray today that people would make decisions that you laid up on their hearts. They would come to the alter God and go home free. The reason that people come out, God come to the front, it’s like a physical picture of coming to you. Some of them need to come and join this church. Some need to be obedient and follow through in baptism. God, you said you didn’t give them a spirit of fear, but a power and a love and a sound mind. God to overcome fear, find freedom, God in whatever area that you would have them do it, and it’s in Christ’s name I pray. Amen.
Recorded in Pineville, Louisiana.