James Greer: 00:00 Good morning Journey Church. Let’s welcome the Alexandria campus. Amen? Whoo. And, and those people online as well. But you know, I’m telling you what, this whole series we’ve been talking more about training than simply trying. And you know, we have been giving you material to train with. Like, the first week we gave you the Marriage Assessment Test, and boy that was fun. My wife did better than I did, but I did it. And then we gave you last week, Who we are in Christ, and then The Never Again list in the back. And you know, whether you’re here for the first time, or whether you’re watching online. You know, you can go to jcpineville.com and download it, or just text us 6401273 and get these resources. And then we have The Pray for Him and Pray for Her Cards. Man, I’m telling you if you haven’t done that, I would do that. You just go to to www.prayforher.com and sign up, or www.prayforhim.com, and you get an email every morning. I tell you, what I found out when I’m praying for my wife, it does more for me than it does for her.

James Greer: 01:03 And then this Sunday, man, we have The Love Guide. It has 15 step to discerning true love, and the three types of love. Man, I’m telling you what, we’re giving you all some training material for bootcamp. Amen? I’m telling you, I’ve never seen the family under attack so much. The traditional marriage is, man, it’s under attack by the world, it’s under attack by the media, I mean it’s under attack by the whole society. I am so glad God worked it out, because I’m going to tell you a few things. First of all, I believe that if we have strong men, we can have strong marriages. And we have strong marriages, we can have strong cities. If we have strong cities, we can have strong states. If we have strong states, we can have strong countries. It we have strong countries, we’d have strong government. Amen? With that being said, men, Wednesday night at 6:30 we have Kingdom Men, and I want to invite you to come and be a part of that. Whether you’re at the Alexandria Campus, or here, and we have other fantastic classes going on. I’m telling you, if you don’t understand how much the traditional marriage is under attack, wait until you to go fill out a new application at the doctor.

James Greer: 02:11 Now you know if you come to Journey Church, you’re welcome. No matter who you are, no matter what you did, Amen? I mean, if you’re gay, I don’t agree with you, but you’re, you’re welcome here. Amen? But I want to tell you, they asked some questions this week, man, I’m telling ya. I had to stop. It says, are you male or female? I did okay there. I got the parts, I knew what it was. But, then it said, are you transgender? Did you go from male to female? Then are you transgender? Did you go from female to male? And then are you a queer transgender? Now I start laughing, I can’t help it, I’m at the doctor’s office and I’m rolling. I go up and I ask the secretary, would you please come here? She said, no, don’t worry James. She knew me. She said to leave me alone, don’t get me in trouble. I said, I’m not filling out, I’m going to bring it to the doctor. I go into my doctor. I said, doctor, what is this? He said, oh my goodness. He said, I didn’t even know. He said, I had to call the home office. I said, well tell me what it is. He said, it’s somebody that had operation. Now they don’t know if they want to be a guy or girl, they don’t know who they want to go with. And I said, you’re going to ask them to fill that out? He said, well, that’s what the company tells me to do. Do you think the marriage is under attack? Amen? And can I tell you something? Even if you are one of those, whatever that is, you’d still be welcome here. Amen? I don’t care where you come from, I don’t care what you did. I want you to know that I mess up, you mess up, we all mess up, and I love you. But I am for fighting for their traditional marriage, I still believe it’s between a man and woman. Amen? But Holy Moses, whoo.

James Greer: 03:46 Well, I’m going to tell you something else. Love is real. Love is real, I mean you don’t get to change it. You don’t get to make it something it’s not. You don’t get to make it what you want. You don’t get to make it what TV says, or the world say, or what social media says. You can try to change it, but you can’t. You can’t change it, but let me tell you, love can radically change you. Okay, Chris, you and Micah come up to the front, you all come on. Come on up here, come up here. I’m going to tell you this, love is real, it’s like gravity is real. Do you believe gravity’s real? Where’s Chris? Chris, I hope Micah over there at the Alexandria Campus, you’ll stand here, and Micah is standing there. Now, what I want you all to do, both campuses, you all pray for Chris and Micah. What you all going to pray is that you all’s prayer overcomes gravity, because gravity wouldn’t be real. Amen. Now, when I count to three, they’re all praying for you. I’m not, but they are. Where’s Ashley? Pray for him baby, okay? Alright, and you all pray for Micah. When I count to three, if their prayers are really powerful, when you jump, you won’t hit the ground. Ready? Yeah, we’ll just walk home, man. I tried it, I tried walking on water. The whole thing. Yep. Yep. Yep. One, two, three. Oh my goodness, so gravity is real. Amen? Or you all’s prayers are not very powerful. one or the other, I don’t know what it is. But what I’m trying to tell the whole congregation, be praying for Chris. And believe or not, when he walked off, he still fell. Because gravity is real. But I’ve never seen a time in society where people are trying to change love, love is real. You can’t change it, but it can radically change you. You can learn what it really is, and you can embrace it. Most people, I believe today, don’t even know what it is. Well, we’ve given you in the brochure, we said, hey, we’ve got to be a love God. Fifteen steps to discerning love. We’re going to talk about three types of love that every marriage needs. But see. I think marriage is all about love. Amen? All right, you all ready to get started?

James Greer: 05:55 Forty Five years and counting, hey man, the 22nd of this month, I have been married 45 years. And I love it, I hope I’m married 45 more years, I hope I live that long. [inaudible] Song of Solomon chapter Five verse sixteen, I’m going to read part of it. It says, Oh yes, yes, yes, she is altogether lovely. She’s lovely and is my beloved. Not only is my beloved, and this is my friend. Can I tell you something about marriage? You want to have a great marriage? You have a beloved that you love, and you have a friend. Amen? I mean, Debbie is my beloved, but she’s also my best friend. The proverbs puts it this way, Proverbs, chapter five verse eighteen says this, “Let your foundation be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your what? Youth. Amen? I’m telling you, did you know I was in love Debbie when I was in junior high? Oh yeah, baby. I mean, I’ve been chasing her for years. Took me a little while to catch her, but we got it. I mean that, that’s great. So you don’t have to be a youth, to rejoice with the wife of your youth. Okay? Alright, you ready? I love this. As a loving deer, I don’t know about that, and a graceful doe, I don’t know about that. I do know the next part’s true, and let her breasts satisfy you at all times. Yeah, baby. And always be enraptured, I had to look up that one, radically and deeply in love with her love. I mean, my goodness gracious yes baby, that’s what the Bible says, so I can say it. You don’t have to be a youth to be in love with the wife of youth. Amen. You make sure it’s her breasts that you’re satisfied, and not somebody else’s too. Amen just means I agree. Amen? And ladies, okay now. Now men, that was for me in you. Amen. We’re to be satisfied with our wife’s breasts, and all the man said, Amen. I knew you all could finally speak up, and the rest of you just wimps. But anyway, you know you wanted to say it. Ladies, this is for you. That’s why you don’t need to be wearing things that show your breasts, oh, that’s only for your husband to be satisfied with. Hey ladies, your clothes don’t need to be too tight, they don’t need to be too short, and they don’t need to be to low. So tight you can’t walk, so short you can’t bend, and so low it shows. I mean it’s true, because listen, oh well, it is what it is. I mean, First Peter 3:3 says, listen, don’t be concerned, ladies, about your outward beauty, not your fancy hair, your jewelry, et cetera, et cetera. But let me tell you what it does. You should clothe yourself instead with the beauty that comes from where? Within. You know why? Because believe or not, your outward is going to change, but your beauty on the inside can get better and better. Then the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. Now listen ladies, I want you to know, I think you should do the best you can with what you got. Amen? I do. I mean, I know you’ve heard me say some places, some religions, think it’s a sin for women to wear makeup. I personally believe it’s a sin for some women not to wear makeup. Amen? It is what it is.

James Greer: 09:30 Alright, First Timothy 2:9, then we’re going to get on with it. First Timothy 2:9, you all ready? It says, I want women to be modest in their appearance, in their what? Their appearance. So they should wear decent and appropriate clothing that doesn’t draw attention to themselves. Uh oh, and for women who claim to be devoted to God, to be attractive by the good things in their life. Ladies, and men too these days, I’ve never seen it, some men want to dress like women. I mean I swear, I mean I don’t have to worry about that. I don’t have a butt anyway, so I can’t wear anything to tight. But if I did, I would, I could. But anyway, but the point is this, we’re not to be a drawing attention to the wrong things in our life. Amen? That means I agree. Amen? God makes it clear women, you need to be more concerned about the inside then the outside. If your spending as much time on the inside, as you did on the outside, you would be changed. Or do you want men to be more to be attracted to your character, or your clothes or lack of clothes? Alright, you all ready to get started? That was just the intro.

James Greer: 10:40 Whew. Let ‘er rip. Number one, forty five and counting. I can honestly say if I had to do it all over again, I’d choose my wife Debbie for my wife and my best friend. What a wonderful place to be after 45 years. Amen? The second, I want you to know to have a great marriage. It takes lots of hard work, battles, hurts, sorrows, but it’s worth it. There’s nothing more rewarding and more satisfying, nothing that brings joy like having a mate that you love, to share your life with, nothing other than an exceptional relationship with Jesus Christ. First, you’re going to need to know what real biblical love is though. I believe much of what people called love today is infatuation, or lust. And the media portrays that, and the movie stars live it out. Because they go from one husband and one wife, to another, to another, to another, and they’re in love today. That’s not love, that’s lust. If you’re dating, or you’re single and you’re dating somebody, or you’re a young person, and you want to know the difference between love and infatuation. All you’ve got to do is let me know, or text the office, and I’ll get you a handout.

James Greer: 11:58 Because see, I want our people to learn what love really is. When you say you love somebody, you’re going to say, that there’s going to be fifteen things. And I don’t want you to try to concentrate all of them right now. But I want you to take them this week, and I want you and your mate to talk about them, and I want you each one just to pick one. Not five, not fifteen. They said the other day, they said, Brother James, you’re the only person that has three point messages that has 14 points. I know that, so don’t try to do them all. Just take one or two. Right? You know, and just discern what area do you need to work on in your love life the most? Is it patience? Is it kind? Is it not envy? Is it [inaudible] puffed up? I mean, is it a good manners? I don’t know what it is. Are you touchy? Are you irritable? Do you keep accounts, you know, do you rejoice in the truth? Do you beareth all things, believe all things, hope with all things, endure with all things. I mean, you have a handout that you don’t have to try to fall in love. You can actually, you ready? You can train to be in love better, because you take these applications. And true love is more of an action, than it is an emotion. So you with the power and the presence of the Holy Spirit, you put these into action, and you’ll be in love. Amen Brother James, whoo. We preaching today, you all just don’t know it.

James Greer: 13:16 Alright, see what lust what lust is, it’s using someone else as an instrument of your satisfaction. So many people get into a relationship and marriage, thinking the other person’s there just to satisfy them. The purpose of a relationship, especially a marriage relationship, is not simply to satisfy you, but it’s the sharpen you. The two become one, and if the two become one, don’t you want the other one to be sharper than they were before? Amen? Hey you all, this is good.

James Greer: 13:45 Well, there’s three words for love in the Bible. And I think in marriage you need all three of them. There’s at least three words, maybe more, we’re going to look at three. One of them is Eros love, and that’s the need, that’s the physical love, marriages need that for success, we call that sexual sometimes. Amen? That’s one of the loves. Then we have Phileo love, that’s friendship, that’s companion. That’s the hey, I want to share my time, my energy, my activity, my hobbies, I want to be with you. One translation says to just be really good friends. So you have Eros, you’ve got Phileo, and you’ve got Agape, that’s godly love. You want the best for the other person. Like God so loved the world he what? He gave, and that kind of love just gives, and they want what’s best for the other person. That’s the First Corinthians 13 love, “Love is patient, love is kind. It’s not jealous, it’s not boastful.” And so there’s at least those three kinds of love, that God wants us to have in our life. So you know what you do. You say, Agape love, which see, let me tell you what? Unless you know the Lord Jesus Christ, and you have a great relationship with him, you can’t have that kind of love. So you take Agape love plus Phileo love, which is my friendship, and my wife is my friend, she is my beloved. You got Agape love, Phileo love, and Eros love which is sexual love, it’s personal, and it’ll equal a godly marriage that lasts.

James Greer: 15:06 Now guys, I’ll give you all a simple way, you all know men aren’t that smart. Now, they’re real easy to figure out. Ladies, now that’s a different story. Men, men, aren’t sharp. I’m going to give you three p’s for men. You’re ready, play together, pray together, lay together, and you’ll stay together. Amen? You got that. Amen? And all the men said, Amen. Alright, so listen, this is what you got to do. I want to give you nine things, if you want to have an exceptional marriage, that you have to have exceptional areas of your life. Again, I’m going to go through them, we probably can’t cover them all. Take one or two. We’re going to take one or two things, some discerning, real love. We now know the three names for love, that that you need to add them together, it’ll make a marriage. Then we’re going to think some exceptional things in your life that you have to have, and then take that outline, take the bulletin, take it home and go through and say, honey, what is the one area that you think I need to work at? And then you let him answer that area that you need to work in.

James Greer: 16:08 Number one, you’ve got to have an exceptional relationship with Jesus Christ. Too many people are trying to depend on somebody else’s relationship with Christ, that they can only do. You can’t depend on me for your relationship with Christ, you can’t depend on your mama, your daddy, you can’t depend upon your mate. When I said an ultimate relationship with you, first of all, the couple has to come together, and agree that God’s Word is the ultimate authority in our life. You’ve got to agree that Psalmist said, Psalms 127:1, “Unless the Lord builds the house, you labor in vain.” And that means it’s fake, it’s foolish, it’s going to fall apart. Who builds it? So unless the Lord guards the city, the watchman stay, it’s in vain. God says, I want you know, I want you to have an exceptional relationship with him, where you can have an exceptional relationship with your mate. Amen? Alright. You Know Matthew 6:33, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and everything else to be added.” In other words, he said, why don’t you prioritize your relationship with God, and prioritize your relationship with your mate? Whatever area you prioritize, you can have progress in.

James Greer: 17:18 Alright. number two, you ready? And we’re going to just touch, but just a second. But you, you’ve got an exceptional self-acceptance. Now last week, if you didn’t get it, you need to get it. We gave you a handout, says who you are in Christ. And when you find out who you are in Christ, you finally find you’re accepted. You’re secure, and you’re significant. The problem is when people don’t know who they are in Christ, they end up trying to be somebody they’re not. Or they don’t accept themselves, or they try to make somebody else be who they’re not. I can remember when me and Debbie were young in our marriage. I would continually try to change Debbie to be somebody other than she wasn’t, instead of focusing on me becoming the right person. If you’re in marriage do this, you accept your mate, and let God change you. It’ll be a lot better. Don’t fix your hopes and dreams just on your mate, fix your hopes and dreams on Jesus Christ. Amen? And then the result will be, you’ll have the best marriage you’ve ever had.

James Greer: 18:16 Number three, you got to have an exceptional unselfishness. Holy Moses, I believe when it says the two become one, do you realize that you’ve got two people that are selfish, they want their own ways, they won’t do their own. They come together, and you know they have to fight, and give in and give out, before they ever become one. It is not natural, it is only through the supernatural right relationship with Christ, that two can become one. We’re by nature, we’re selfish man. We’re by nature, we’re negative. Selfishness is at the heart of most problems, especially between husband and wife, but between everybody. We don’t realize how selfish we really are though, because most of us don’t have a good self-awareness, most of us are really not who we think we are. We’re not near as good as we think we are, and our mate’s not near as bad as we think they are. Amen? And because we lack a good self-awareness, you ready? Our selfishness is camouflaged in the thought and the action that we’re right, and they’re wrong. So the next time you really think you’re right, make sure that you’re self-aware of who you really are, and it’s just not camouflage and you trying to be right. James 4:1 says, For this causes many quarrels and fighting. What does? Don’t they come from evil desires at wars within? In other words, you just want your own desires, you want your way and she wants her way. The Bible says, the heart is succinctly wicked. I mean, and who can even know it. The Bible says the real truth is, you’re so selfish, you don’t even know how selfish you are. I don’t know how selfish I am. If you don’t think you’re selfish, next time your mate asks you to do something, you get all upset. Why do you get upset? Because we’re selfish. Selfishness robs our joy with God, and with other people. The only way to overcome selfishness, is the love of Jesus Christ, no other way.

James Greer: 20:18 Alright, you all ready? Fourth, you better have an exceptional forgiveness. Can I tell you, you’re going to say, and I’m going to say, we all going to say things we wish we hadn’t said. Or, there’s always others you say, is there anything wrong? Nope. You want to talk about it. Nope. You sure you’re alright? Yep. I don’t know which is worse. I don’t know if the silent treatment or the volcanic treatment is worse. But anyway, what I want you to know is this, you have to have an exceptional forgiveness. My mother taught me to forgive before you’re ever asked. I would go to her, and say mother for forgive me. She said, I forgave you before you asked. Do you want to really enjoy a relationship? Forgive your mate, forgive your kids, forgive the people that have harmed you, forgive them before they ever ask. That is good Brother James, Amen. I’d write that down, practice today. I’ll probably do something, or say something, you need to forgive me. Forgive me before I ask. Romans 12:17 says, “Repay no evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men.” Man I love this next verse, “If it’s possible.” That means there must be some that aren’t possible. And as much as it depends, and you live at peace with all men. In other words, we need to be peacemakers, not troublemakers. Then it says this, “Beloved, do not avenge yourself, but rather give place to wrath.” That is so important. Do you understand forgiveness is not a weakness, forgiveness is a porthole to the power of God, and the other person’s life. But beloved, do not avenge yourself. If you avenge yourself, God says, okay, you take care of it, I’ll get out. You get placed around, let God take care of it. For it is written, vengeance is the person that’s upset. Vengeance is, no, God said, vengeance is mine, I will repay, saith the Lord. See until you learn to forgive, you’re blocking the power of God to work in the other people’s life, that actually hurts your life. That’s good too. Man, you all are getting some good stuff tonight. I heard recently of a well-known preacher, [inaudible] say, he said, I had the hardest person to ever forgive in my life was my stepdad. He said, I had a stepdad that would whip me and beat me, and then he’d look at me and=said, I wish I’d never bought you. So I was 15 years old when he died. We never reconciled. I didn’t want to forgive him. I know there’s people you don’t want to forgive. I wanted to hate him, but I came to the realization that I must forgive him, if I was going to move forward and be free from hurt. He said, I realized that my heavenly father had a message for me. My heavenly father said to me that I never, never regretted purchasing you, and I’d purchase you with the priceless blood of my son, Jesus Christ. His love has freed me now from the forgiveness, I now have been able to forgive him, and I have peace. I don’t want there to be anybody in your life that you cannot forgive. Amen?

James Greer: 23:27 Fifth, we’ve got a rock on, you all ready? Like can you all listen, while talk faster? Okay, fifth, you’ve got to have exceptional financial principles. I mean, one of the number one thing couples fight about is finances. Now they’d say they don’t call it that, they’ll call it something else. They’ll say, he just doesn’t agree with me, or she just doesn’t agree with me. I mean, you’ve got to be totally committed to God’s financial principles if you want an exceptional marriage, in other words, don’t spend more than you make. Oh Brother James, you just hit 90% of Americans. Don’t spend what you don’t have. Don’t spend what your mate doesn’t know you’re spending. Oh, come on. I mean, you understand when me and Debbie, if our first 10 years, we wouldn’t spend $50 without talking to the other person. I came home one day, she spent a couple of hundred dollars, bought a bookcase. And I walked in, and I said, honey, I thought we were going to talk about that. She said, I’ll take it back. I said, no, no, no, please don’t. I came home the next day, she had taken that thing back. I felt like a heel. And she said, no, no, we agreed, we had principals in our life, we had financial principles that we agreed to. We agreed first, we’re going to tithe 10%, we’re going to save 10%, and we’re going to live off 80%. Financial principles lead to freedom in your finances. See whatever you’re financially connected to, you’re emotionally connected to. If you don’t think so, when money comes up, how come you get all upset? The Bible says where your treasure is, your heart is. Why do you think most people argue over that? Because it’s emotional. See, your heart does not belong, you ready? Your heart does not belong to Jesus Christ, until your money belongs to Jesus Christ. Amen, James, you all don’t have to amen me, it’s still true. I know it. You know, you give your money because you want to be emotionally attached to Jesus Christ.

James Greer: 25:15 Six, I’ll go on, still true. Moral freedom. Yeah, moral freedom. Despite what’s going on in America today, I don’t believe you should be flirting with the opposite sex. I don’t think he should be making trips with the opposite sex alone. I don’t think you should be going out with the opposite sex. I don’t think you should be texting them. I don’t think she should be Facebooking. I don’t think you should be having social media. I don’t think you should be doing anything that leads to sexual immorality with the opposite sex. I think you put guardrails around yourself, both men and women, to keep and protect you. The Bible says in First Corinthians 6:18 it says, “Flee sexual immorality.” What does it say? Flee. Do you all know what that means? Run, if you have to, the other direction. Every other sin’s outside the body, but this one commits, it’s inside the body. Hebrews, listen, Hebrews 13:4. I’m going to read it for you this way. “Marriage should be honored by everyone, and the husband and the wife should keep themselves, and the marriage pure.” Do you know why? You all ready? God will judge as guilty, those who take part in sexual sin.” Man, I don’t want you to be judged, I want you to enjoy freedom. So you want to have an exceptional marriage? Let me tell you what, enjoy the wife of your youth. Amen? Enjoy her breasts, nobody else’s breasts. Amen? Brother James, man, you are preaching. I’m enjoying this too much.

James Greer: 26:48 You’ve got to learn your purpose in life. I feel so sorry for most people who don’t really know their purpose. That your purpose after you’re saved, is to do whatever you can to bring honor and glory to God and further his kingdom, it’s just that simple. If you go to work, do it to the glory of God. If you’re at home, do it to the glory of God. When you do hobbies, do it to the glory of God. Until you understand your purpose, you don’t know what your purpose is. And when you totally understand your purpose, any pain that comes into your life, finally has purpose.

James Greer: 27:18 Eight, we’ve got to move. Eight, you need to have an exceptional harmony with all authorities in your life. Exceptional harmony with all the authorities. Who are your authorities? Your parents, the police, your pastor. Usually if you don’t have a problem, and you’re in harmony with your parents, police and your pastor. Then you won’t usually have a problem with your boss or your teachers. When you’re not in harmony with your authorities, you ready? You’re usually not in harmony at home. The Bible says that there’s no authority except for God. But God says, for he is the God that ministers to you is good. God said, I placed authorities into your life for your good. So do you really have a harmony with all your authorities?

James Greer: 28:06 And last, do you have exceptional faithfulness? Don’t grow weary in well doing, in due season you’ll reap, if you just do not give up. Don’t give up on your marriage. Don’t give up on your children. Don’t give up on your job. Don’t give up on your church. So in closing, I’d just like to say, how is your love life really? I mean, how is it with Jesus Christ? Would you say that I’m more in love with Jesus right now than I ever have been in my life? And if not, and when I give an invitation in a minute, would you say, hey, my next step is to fall back in love with him. Am I in love with my mate? Would I say, God, would you help me? I want to love her more than anybody else, other than you. See, look what I’m telling you, it’s an action, it’s an action more than emotion. I want you to say, I’m ready to take my next step in life. And I’ll take the 15 steps to discerning love, and I’ll work on those, and I love my mate. I’ll work in that relationship. It’s that nine exceptional things, and is it a relationship with Christ, is it self-acceptance, is it selfishness unforgiveness, is it financial, is it moral freedom, purpose in life, harmony with your authorities, is it faithfulness? Listen what I’m going to do, you’re ready? I’m going to ask you to take your next step, whatever it is that God would have you to do this morning.

James Greer: 29:29 Would you stand and let me pray with you, and pray for you? God, you’re an awesome God. Oh ho, you have given us some training tools today, God. But God, I pray that every single person here would find one or two things, God. And they’d say, hey God, I want to be transformed, I didn’t come to church for simple information, I came for transformation. And God as he gives the invitation, I’m going to ask you God to speak to my heart. I’m going to come to this altar, and I’m going to commit my ways to your ways, God. I’m going to commit to putting you first, God. I want to commit to have the best marriage I can. I want to commit to coming under the authorities you have, God. God, I want the best you have for me. God, I believe you got great rewards, blessing stored up in heaven, you’re just waiting on me to take my next step. Whether it’s to join this church, follow through in baptism, just to come to this altar. I pray that you’d let God have his will, his way in your life. It’s in Christ’s precious name. Amen.

Recorded in Pineville, Louisiana.