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Who Are You and How Did You Get There

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Feb 10, 2019

Who Are You and How Did You Get There?

Truths to Consider:

  • When we don’t know who we are and how we got there, we spend much of our life and marriage trying to be someone we are not.
  • We become who we were around (parent-grandparent-greatest influence).
  • God + others = decisions we make and who we often think we are.
  • Couples often get married and falsely believe everything bad in their life will disappear.
  • Learning, dealing, and handling past hurts correctly brings healing.
  • Secret sins keep us sick; sins others do to us make us sick. (James 5:6, NKJV)
  • What is not healed will hurt you and others.

Talk about past hurts and hang ups that have been brought into your relationship.

  • What were your parents like?
  • How did you really feel as a child?
  • What are a few good things that you learned from your parents?
  • What are a few bad things that you hope you don’t bring into this marriage or relationship?
  • What do you feel is the greatest hurt or baggage you might have brought into this relationship?
  • Don’t live your marriage in regret management, but rather chasing your remarkable future. (Discovering the wonderful possibilities God has for both of us.) (Philippians 3:13, TLB)
  • In the future, we agree it is our job to clearly communicate our wants, likes and desires.
  • It is our responsibility to listen, but not fix.
  • We agree and commit an unspoken expectation is an unfair expectation.
  • We are responsible for communicating our own dreams, desires, and longings.

Marriages are worth fighting for so AGREE to:

  • Stop allowing problems to hijack our progress. (Romans 5:3, TLB)
    • Pick times to talk about problems, but do not do it in a way to air grievances or win the arguments.
    • Desire to show love and respect to one another.
    • If we allow others to help influence us we can only do so if we both agree on who that is. (Needs to be a person of wisdom and married)
  1. Be kind to each other. (Ephesians 4:32, NKJV; Romans 12:10, NKJV)
  2. Trust each other. (1 Corinthians 13:7, NKJV; CEV)
    1. Trust each other to be honest, open, truthful, and encouraging.
    2. Trust what we say will be safe with me and not used against me as a weapon.
  3. Make time for each other. (1 Timothy 4:7, TLB)
    1. Make time by appointment and automatic (unplanned).
    2. We will not use this time to make the other person feel bad or unfulfilled.
    3. Agree on times each day no phone or social media.
    4. Agree on times each week for a date night. During this time:
      1. See and hear the other person.
      2. Receive what you are hearing as importance.
      3. Don’t use what is being said against the other person.
      4. Agree to not be over demanding, but instead thankful we are both agreeing and trying.
    5. Agree to practice being more thankful for what we have and each other. (1 Thessalonians 5:1-19, NKJV)
      1. Avoid the natural which is to zoom in on the flaws; work hard to find the good.
      2. It is impossible to be grateful and angry at the same time.
      3. It takes five compliments for every one criticism if you want the compliments to win over the criticism

Marriage Bootcamp: Week 1

The Probalem is Not the Problem. Check out Week 1 of Marriage Bootcamp.

Sermon Video Transcription

James Greer: 00:00 Hey man, Abby was trying to run off, but I’m going to tell you, hey, hey, don’t you all enjoy her singing? Hey, she was also Tioga Ms. Campus Beauty. Amen. Hey, you know what was great about her? She’s beautiful outside and inside. Amen. And she represents us fantastic. Alright, we love you sweet girl. Amen, let’s hear it for her.

James Greer: 00:21 Well man, I got up this morning, I’m so excited. Miss Elizabeth said a while ago, she said, are you kind of excited? I said, yeah. She said, I’ll pray for you. You need to, because I’m about to jump off this pulpit. But anyway, what I found when I woke up this morning, and it’s thinking about this. Every single Sunday when I preach, I preach the same word. And there’s some people that received the word and their lives are transformed. I mean you’ll hear them say amen, that just means I agree, and it’s the same sermon, and some people don’t. You’ll see some marriages that are mended, and some that don’t, and it’s the same word. And I thought this morning about what makes the difference? And I thought about God, he said, you know what? Sometimes I sowed the seeds, sometimes it was stony ground, sometimes on thorny ground, and sometimes it was on fertile ground. And those people that the ground was right, they received the word, and man, they were blessed. Sometimes sixty fold, sometimes a hundred fold.

James Greer: 01:12 And so what I learned was, so many times, even myself, I have this thing called the never again list. And I read it, but I don’t want to just read, I want to agree with it. There’s a big deal, when you hear the word, do you agree with the word? In other words, here’s some examples. In fact, Josh this morning, I was telling him that I am so excited about it. He’s got the never again list on one side, and who we are in Christ, and you can pick it up at the welcoming center as you as you go out. But listen, the difference is, I have this thing that says, never again will I confess that I can’t, because I can do all things through Christ. But this morning I got up and I said, no, God, I agree with what you’re saying. Never again will I say, I can’t, because I can do all things through Christ. Never again will I confess fear. Well, I say that, but no, I say, now God, I agree that never again. In other words, there’s is a difference in hearing God’s word, and agreeing with God’s word. And Journey Church, I want you to come and say, I want to agree with God’s word. Amen? And Amen says, it’s like agreeing. It said, never again will I confess doubt and lack of faith. No God, I agree with that because you said you gave every man a measure of faith. I agree, God, that I don’t have to confess weakness. I agree, God, that Satan doesn’t have superiority over me, God. Oh God, I agree that I never again do I have to confess defeat, because God always calls me to triumph. Never again do I have to confess worry. No God, I agree with your word that says, never again do I have to confess, worry and frustration. Because you said, God, for me to come and cast all my cares upon you. So man, I want to tell you, we need to agree with God’s word. Amen? I want you to agree, I want you to agree that God wants marriages to become one. Amen? He said, the two become one, do you agree with that? Amen. I agree that there’s nobody, and anybody, that’s too hard for the Lord to change. Amen? I agree that God can supply every single need in your life, because he says, I’ll supply all my needs according to his riches. Man, I want the seed to fall upon good ground. Amen?

James Greer: 03:08 So now we’re going to get started. Who you are, and how’d you get there? It’s so important because the truth, there’s a truth to consider. When we don’t know who we are, and we don’t know how we got there in our lives and our marriage, we spend a big part of our life trying to be somebody that we’re not. Now, some of you all have done the Be the Church, and man, we’ve already got eight or nine graduates, you’ll get certificates pretty soon. And it talks about who we are, because see when we know who we are, we learn to be accepted, and secure and significant. But what I want to tell you, when we become who we are, do you know how we become who we are? We become who we are, listen, because who we’re around as young, our parents, our grandparents, our greatest influence, plus God, plus others, equal the decisions we make, and who we think we are. I wish you could really understand this, it’s so important. This is how your children, this is who they’re going to become, who they’re going to be. The greatest influence is you, the greatest influence in life, who you allow them to be around, plus God, equals the decisions they make and who they think they are. Now, when you take God out of the equation though, you have problems. Because then they grow up with only the influence, even if you’re a good influence, and the influences around them. And then they make decisions based on that, and apart from God. I had a young man come to me this week, and he said, man, my life is falling apart. I lived my whole life thinking I didn’t need God. I was making decisions without God, I thought who I was. I did this, I did that, then all of a sudden I lost everything in my life. And it took me losing everything in my life, that I forgot to add God to it.

James Greer: 04:52 So, let me tell you what, who you really are though, is a lot of times not who you think you are. Who you really are, is when Christ says you are. When you become a Christian, your life changes. Many times it takes years and years to learn who you really are. Let me give you some examples. I’ve gone through this a hundred times, and I’m still going through it. It says, when you know who you are, you no longer have to get your of worth, so important, from our looks. Everybody can’t look like this. And somebody said, praise God. And you don’t get you sense of worth from your looks, you don’t get it from your intellectual ability. Man, that was tough for me, because you know, growing up I struggled so much with even reading. And you all know, sometimes even Sunday morning, you know, when I get nervous I get the words turned around or I just skip them now. Heck, I’m different. But I used to think that I had to get my worth from how I loo, now I mean, you don’t think so. I can remember in high school, I tried to find the picture this morning, I can remember, you ought to see the shirt I had, and the bell bottom jeans I had. If I could find them, I would have worn them. Well, I think they’re horrible, but I thought right then, I’m going to fit in. So, when we don’t know who we are, we try to fit in with other people, the way they look. We try to say, I get my self worth from my ability. You know what? Then if you don’t make good grades, you don’t think you have a good self worth, and if you’re like me and you failed the fourth grade, you’re in trouble. So you start feeling that you’re not worthy.

James Greer: 06:28 You get your self worth from your facility. In other words, what you have, where you live, and what you own. And I can remember going to high school, and remembering everybody didn’t like my 63 Falcon Fairlane, they had newer cars. And went home one day and I said, mom, everybody has new cars and I’m driving…She said everybody? I said, well just about everybody. So I was getting myself self-worth, the way other people looked. And my abilities were lacking so great, and I was considered raised from out of town, and back then they thought, oh man, that was almost a bad part of town. And now people want to live out of town, and then from others. So most people, that’s what you’re living right now. You think I’m getting my self worth from my mate, the way I look, my abilities, my facilities, and other what other people say. Listen, when you really learn who you are, man, if you don’t get anything to get this today, others no longer intimidate you. Man, I used to worry, I wouldn’t even go to a conference, I wouldn’t go to anything because I was so intimidated. I wouldn’t go anywhere where I thought they were going to call me to pray or read. I wouldn’t go someplace that I was just so intimidated by the success, or the way that people looked, or their intellectual ability. I’m no longer intimidated by that, in fact I can laugh about it. My weaknesses are actually what caused me to be strong.

James Greer: 07:55 I no longer try to imitate. I’m not intimidated, and I don’t try to imitate anymore. I can remember even trying to do that, that doesn’t work very good for somebody like me. You try to imitate somebody, you know that that you really can’t be. But when you really get free from that, can you imagine me trying to imitate Billy Graham? Would you all come? Nobody comes, would you come? I mean, he just says, you come and people just flocked to the altar. I tried. It didn’t happen. And then Perry Noble’s man, you all know Perry Noble’s, amen? You know, he just started his new church first Sunday he had 789 and 13 people accepted Christ. Do you all see, Perry? I can’t be Perry, his finger is longer than my arm. When he’s preaching, he’s doing this, you know. And man, I’ll never be like him, and you know, I just loved him. You know, he grew a church to about 30,000. I mean he was one of my heroes, and I got to meet him. I had him sign 15 books one day, but I’m never going to be Perry. And you know, it didn’t intimidate me when Perry was here. I said, thank God I got to meet one of my heroes, but you know, that’s not who I want to be. And then, okay ladies, do you all know Steve Furtick? Go Steve, all the girls think he’s the man. Man, that dude can preach, and he looks good. I mean, true story, not long ago I was sitting outside. I mean, you know how I welcome people, and I love it? And lady come up to me and she said, can I talk to you Brother James, I don’t want to hurt your feelings? I said, yeah, you can talk to me, what’s the deal? She says, you know, I liked the church. That’s great. She said, but I really, really likes the Steve Furtick. She said, I just want you to know that I come here, but I listen to him every day. And then she said, he’s really, really good. I said, guess what, honey? He is really, really good, and I listened to him all the time too. Amen. But you see what I mean? And she didn’t upset me. I said, go for it baby, whatever you want to listen to, whoever you want to look at, if you’re growing, that’s great. Amen? But a long time ago, I would’ve said, oh God, I’m never going to be Steven, I’m never going to be Perry, I’m never going to be Billy.

James Greer: 10:01 And what I’m telling you, you’re living in your marriage, a lot of people, and you’re trying to be somebody you’re not. And you don’t enjoy who you are, and God wants you to learn to be who you are, secured and accepted. Amen? That’s what God wants you to do. See, when you know who you are, you’re totally accepted. You accept yourself. See, you are a sinner, now you’re a saint, isn’t that wonderful. Everybody in here has accepted Christ, St. James, St. Journey Church. How do you see yourself though? I’m secure. Oh, Romans 8:1 says, “There’s no condemnation.” Man, I used to condemn myself, and talk about myself, and get down on myself. God said, listen, there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ, I’m in Christ, Amen? Listen, I’m secure, I’m accepted, and you can even feel significant. Yeah man, I mean, you’re special. Do you feel that way? You’ve been chosen, you’re anointed, you’re appointed. John 15:16 says this, “You didn’t choose me, he said, I chose you.” Do you understand, God chose you? He said, “I anointed you to go and bear fruit, and that your fruit shall remain that whatever you should ask in my name, I’m going to give it.” Do you understand who you really are? The problem in most marriages, people are trying to be somebody they’re not. Man, if you would start focusing on who you are, you would not only feel freer, you would enjoy yourself, your mate would enjoy you. So what I want us to do, the truth shall set you free. You shall know the truth, the truth will set you free. Listen, I want you to agree to start being free. Amen? That’s just an intro.

James Greer: 11:30 Ooh, Precious Jesus. Okay, you ready? Another thing you can do is this. You’re going to get hurt in your marriage alright, but don’t live that way. We bring hurts into our marriage, and what I want to know is, have you ever talked to your mate about your hurts? James 5:16, it says, “Confess your trespasses, your hurts, your past, and fears.” Confess your baggage one to another. I think you should do that in your relationships. Why? That you might be healed. Then it says, “Effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” Listen, secret sins will keep you sick. I believe that. I don’t always believe that your secret sins that are hurting you were something you did it. That your secret sins that you hadn’t confessed to God will keep you sick, but your secret sins where somebody else hurt you will also make you sick. In other words, I think there’s a lot of people that come every single Sunday. They said there’s as many is 40 to 50 percent of every, especially woman, that had been abused in some way, whether it’s emotionally, physically, or spiritually or somehow, and so they’ve never dealt with the hurt. Listen, what’s was not healed, are you ready? Will hurt. What you don’t get healed in your life, will hurt. It will not only hurt you, but it hurts the people closest to you.

James Greer: 13:04 I’m going to tell you how you know what’s not healed. I can tell you in my personal life, and I can tell you in your life, I can tell you in your marriage. Would you like to know why you hurt, and would you like to know where you’re not healed? Say, amen, that just means I agree. Many times what causes us, our mate, to act hysterical, stay with me, it’s because it was historically not dealt with. Historical hurts, that are not healed, will cause us to act hysterical. Sometimes we don’t even know why. So this is what you do, this what I’m doing, even in my life. You’d think, boy, man, you’re not still doing it. Yeah, I’m still learning, and I am still growing. And I know I’m not where I should be, but man, I am loving growing. Amen? So now, when you overreact and some of you all underreact, but some of you overreact. See, I’m an over-reactor. When somebody says something that really upsets me, and I’m about to scream and holler and cuss. I don’t cuss that much, I don’t. Sometimes I do, but not that much. But now I’m learning that there was something in my past that hurt me, that I didn’t deal with. Most of the time when I really get upset, and I really get defensive, and I really get sharp, it wasn’t really what they said to me. It’s what’s going on, you ready, in me. And if you don’t get this, and if you don’t agree, and if your soul and if your heart is not soft. You’ll continue to defeating, and being defeated, and defending yourself instead of growing. Ready? What’s really causing you to act hysterical? Now, when I say that I mean, what causes you to overreact? See, some people, they underreact. Some people just close up, they just shut down, they don’t answer, they just back off. They said that kids that have been abandoned by the mother or their dad, they go into their relationships with insecurities. And so now they get married, and they’re insecure about is their mate going to stay? Are they going to be with me? Are they going to do this? And people that had been abused sexually, emotionally and physically, they get into a relationship, and the very person that’s trying to love them and help them the most, they respond the worst too. And see, if you’re not ready to be healed, you have to live with your hurt. If you’re not ready to be healed, you will hurt the people that you love the most. You’re hurting your mate, you’re hurting yourself, and you’re hurting your kids. So we’ve got to say, hey man, I want to get better. If we want to get better, you need to talk about some things with your mate. And if it’s not your mate, you need to have somebody to talk to.

James Greer: 15:57 We give homework every week. If you don’t know, man, we are doing our very best to not just try, but to train. I’m telling you when you leave today, we already have printed out in the back, the never again lists you can agree with. We already have printed out, who you are in Christ, you can just walk by the table and pick it up. But I want you to talk to your husband and your wife about some things, you ready? What were your parents like, or how do you perceive them? See some people, their parents really weren’t like that. But they perceive them, so that perception is true to them. How many times have they been married? What addictions did they have in their life? What habits? Just what were your parents like? You can ask me, I can tell you in two seconds, you know. I know what my parents were like. How did you feel as a child? That hurts sometimes, how did you really feel? And I know when I failed the fourth grade, I laughed about it and kidded about it, but it was very, very intimidating. You know, I started feeling like I was dumb, and I wasn’t going to achieve, and I was never going to make it. And if I wouldn’t have had a dad that, you know, that kept saying, hey, you can do anything. And you know, I don’t know what I’d of done. What are a few of the good things you learned from your parents, and what are a few of the bad things you learned from your parents, and are you bringing them into your marriage? See, some of you have never even talked about it. Some of you have talked about it, listen, you ready? But to talk about you tried to justify what they were doing, because of what you’re doing, instead of be healed from that.

James Greer: 17:35 Many of you did feel like you didn’t get the approval from your parents. In other words, you only got approval if you did good in your grades, which I didn’t. Or you did good in your sports, and I didn’t. So now you feel like you need approval. I know in my life, even today, do you know why I drive a new car all the time? Because I never had one growing up, and I always feel intimidated by everybody that did. I myself sometimes, that is so stupid, I know what you’re doing. And I said, I know, but I’m going to do it anyway. Now I’m not going to do it if I can’t afford it, or if it hurts somebody, but I’m going to do it. And I said, I had to look down and say, well, what is the deal? I know where it came from. I can remember going to school, and my brother let me drive his car one time, and how I couldn’t believe it. Man. I thought that really made a difference. What I had to learn is, it’s not what’s on the outside, that ever would make a difference in my life. I had to finally learn what was going on inside of me. You need approval, so instead of getting your approval from Christ, you try to get it from your mate. And your mate cannot give you what only Christ can, so then you blame them, instead of seeing what’s going on in your heart.

James Greer: 18:39 Many times you don’t feel like you get the love from your parents that you really thought you needed, so now you get married, and you want your wife or your husband to give you the love you felt like you never got. And when you don’t get it, you get upset, or you sulk, or you feel bad, and you feel defeated, or depressed, and you had never come to the point that really you’ve got to get your love from God.

James Greer: 19:02 So, many of you just brought hurts. You brought some really hurts from your past, it’s called baggage, into the relationship. What I really want you to think about today, is looking back at your past baggage and hurts and hangups and say, hey, what did I really bring into my marriage? What were the greatest hurts and baggage that I bought, that I never really dealt with them. What is it that I could be blaming my mate, my boss, my pastor for, and it’s really something that many times you do not even realize it. Because you just don’t want to be self aware. I can tell you, you all, it’s better to be healed, are you listening to me, than it is to be hurt. I don’t want you to live your marriage in regret management. I see people, all they are doing is living in regret management. I want you chasing the remarkable future and dreams that God has for you. I want you to say, hey, I don’t want to live in just marriage management. I want to release, rejoice, recover and discover all that God has for me. You all, I’ll tell you, it’s so much fun. Man, it’s so much fun to be with your mate, or those that you love, and chase your dreams and chase your possibilities. Man, it changes your future. Did you know in Philippians 3:13, it says, “Forget the things in the past.” Forget the things in the past, and don’t bring them in the future, unless they help you have a better future. In other words, some things in my past, I don’t want to forget. I have some regrets in my past, I don’t want to forget those. I don’t want to feel condemned because of those, but I want my regrets to remind me not to do it again, but I don’t want to have condemnation and guilt that I can’t enjoy my future.

James Greer: 20:56 So what I want you as couples do, and individuals to do, and people to do is listen, I want to say starting today, I’m going to look forward to what God has for me and for what’s ahead. I’m going to start chasing the dreams and desires that God has for me. In the future, you ready? In the future, we’re going to agree, we’ve been talking about agreeing, Amen? We say we agree with God’s word. Amen. That means I’m going to receive it. Let’s agree with this, agree that it’s your own personal responsibility to clearly communicate your wants to your mate, they’re not mind readers.

James Greer: 21:28 I’m fixing to have a mind reader policy. I’m not joking. It’s your responsibility to communicate it clearly. It’s my responsibility to listen, but not to necessarily fix it. Man, men, this is hard. When my wife and kids and grandkids tell me something, I think they’re telling me because I’m going to try to figure it. I don’t even let them finish half the time, and I started telling them how to fix it, that’s not my responsibility. It is my responsibility for them to tell me, it is my responsibility to listen, but it’s not my responsibility to fix everybody else’s problems. Amen? Precious Jesus, that’s freeing, Holy Moly. Nor at church, I’m responsible to you, but I am not responsible for you. Alright, you ready? That is good. In the future, I agree and commit an unspoken expectation, is an unfair expectation. I agree that that’s fair in church. I agree that’s fair in my relationships at home. I agree that’s fair with my kids. And I agree, especially, that’s fair in my marriage. The number one fight and argument in marriage is unmet expectations, but when you don’t clearly communicate your expectations, it’s unfair for you to get upset about it with me. Amen? Brother James, this is good, it is good. So we’re going to all agree with the mind reader policy. I can’t read yours, you can’t read mine. I can’t read my kids, my grandkids, and they can’t read mine. Amen? So quit blaming us when we can’t read your dagum mind. I’m responsible to communicate my own dreams and desires and my longings. I have dreams, I’ve got desires, I want to communicate them to my wife. I want her to communicate. Then we can share them man, then we can run for them, then we can dream. Did you know I enjoy talking about what we’re going to do, and where we’re going, almost as much as doing it? I mean, I started to where I didn’t go much. Now I’m talking about when are we going to do this, when are going to do to that? I don’t know, we can’t be going like that all the time. Well, let’s just talk about it. Man, I like talking about stuff. There’s all kinds of stuff I like just to talk to her about fun.

James Greer: 23:38 But anyway, we agree that our marriage is worth fighting for. If you’re a married man, can I tell you, your marriage is worth fighting for. Amen? I mean, now, really I’m serious. Stop allowing the problems to hijack your progress. This is great, you all ready? God is the only one in the world that can take our pains and our progress on problems, and use them to progress in our life. Man, we can go, don’t let them hijack you. Romans 5:3 says, hey, we, husband and wife, can rejoice too. Why? Even when run into problems and trials. The Bible says, if a husband and wife are right, if they really want to grow. He said, man, I can tell you something, I can teach you something. When you run into problems, when you run into trials, you can rejoice. Why? Because we know they’re good for us. Why? Because we learn patience. When you learn patience, when you learn to go through a problem, when you don’t give up. I’m going to tell you something, are you all ready? No? I mean this is a participation operation, are you all ready? Thank you Jesus. There you go, that’s the right word, that means I agree.
James Greer: 24:41 Okay, listen. Learning to handle problems and trials correctly in your marriage, can lead to greater intimacy than you’ve ever had in your life. You’ve got to learn to do it. You’ve got to agree that, hey, we’re going to talk about it, and we’re going to go through it, and we agree, are you all ready? We agree we’re not going to try to solve our problems when we’re under the influence, under the influence of alcohol. Have you, not me, but you probably have. We’re not going there. But have you, when you were younger, where you at now? Have you ever tried to solve a problem when you’re drinking? That is the craziest thing in the world. Some of you are lovers, and some of you are haters, and some of you are just stupid. I mean, you don’t do it. Just make a commitment, when we’re drinking….I’m not saying you should be drinking. We already preached on that. Go back and watch that, and I’ll tell you. But don’t, and if you’re on drugs, you shouldn’t be on drugs. Amen? I mean, I was at a meeting the other day. They said prescription drugs in Alexandra, there’s two for every one person. I said how do you get two for one? They said man, I don’t know. I’m just telling you what the facts are. In Alexandria and Pineville, we give out twice the prescriptions for drugs and antidepressants and all that, as we have people. That means everybody’s on drugs. I’m on drugs, you’re on drugs, we all on drugs. Amen? But when you’re on the wrong drugs, there’s good drugs and bad drugs, when you’re on the wrong drugs, don’t be trying to settle your argument. Amen? But don’t limit it to that. I told you that, and I’m going to tell you one more time, when you have a problem, you all both agree who you’re going to go to to get help or don’t go. When you have a problem and you’re under the influence, make sure who the influence is that you’re going to allow into your marriage. In other words, some girls have a problem with her husband, she goes some other girl that’s having a problem with her husband. Yeah, they’re going to agree, but they’re going to agree what’s wrong. So husband and wife, you agree who you’re going to go to? Amen?

James Greer: 26:34 Okay, I got to rock, you all are going to have to turn your speed up, okay? Not that I don’t talk fast, but okay. We’re going to be kind one to another. You agree to that? Amen? We’re going to agree to trust each other. Man, I’m going to preach a message in a few weeks about trust. You know what you can do. The Bible says love always supports, loyal, helpful and trusting. That start expecting the best from your mate, no matter what else is going on and started expecting. We’re going to make time for each other. First Timothy 4:7, are you ready? “Don’t waste time.” Don’t waste time arguing. Don’t waste time arguing over foolish ideas and silliness. You know, spend your time and energy in the exercise of keeping spiritual fitness, First Timothy 4:7. Man, you ought to write that down, you ought to use that, you ought to apply that. See, is this really going to matter, what I’m fighting about? Is it really going to matter in 100 years or in eternity? I remember a Robert [inaudible], good friend, I’ve known him for 30 years. I’m screaming and hollering and getting upset, and what’s it going to matter in a hundred years? Holy Moses, come on. Now I’m getting to the point, now you know, I’m a little late in life, about three fourths of my life. I’m fixing to say, what is it going to matter in a hundred years? Wouldn’t have been nice if I’d done that 50 years ago? See, what you’re fighting about, does it even matter in eternity? He says, listen, stop wasting your time arguing about stupid things. First Timothy, what? Four Seven. Alright? Okay, so we’ve got to stop doing that. So how do we do that? We need, okay, I’ve got to rock, darn.

James Greer: 28:01 We’ve got to learn to make appointments, spend time together, by both appointments and automatic. So you say, we do that. No, no, this is what I want you all to do, you ready? Fifteen minutes a day, get with your mate. I don’t do this, I’m going to start. Fifteen minutes a day, no phone, no social media. If I’m not careful, I found myself that we’re out to eat, and I was talking, and I was reading. She says. is that important? No, no, no, no, not that important. I’ve got in such a habit of social media, that when we’re together, I’m checking my dadgum social media. So I want you to say, hey, we’re going to take 15 minutes a day, no social media, no phone. We’re going to agree at least once every week or two to have a date night, but when we’re together…I’ve got to get this out, and then we’ll try to close. I’m going to try to see you, and you’re going to try to see me. Can you imagine going out to eat and spending 15 minutes together. And say, during these 15 minutes I’m going to try to see you, I’m going to try to hear you. I’m going to try what you’re telling me, I’m going to try to act like it’s important. I’m not going to use it against you, I’m not going to be over demanding. Instead, I’m going to learn to be thankful and grateful that we’re both at least trying in our life.

James Greer: 29:18 Practice, practice being more thankful and grateful for what you have, and stop focusing on what you don’t have. First Thessalonians 5:19 says, “In everything, give thanks for it’s the will of God.” By nature you understand that we’re negative, so we have to make an intentional effort to be thankful and grateful. When is the last time you told your mate, your teacher, your spouse, that you really thankful and grateful for them? When’s the last time you told your kids? Now, I don’t care if you go out today and say, Hey, you know what the Pastor said? I want you to know, I want you to tell your mate and your kids that you’re grateful and you’re thinking for them. Amen? Man, I know, I know it’s out of time, I don’t care. Anyway, not today I don’t, I’m just loving the Lord, I’m having the best time. I want to tell you something, it takes five compliments to overcome one criticism. That was so convicting to me. You know, I’m quick to criticize because I’m trying to help, but when I learned that if you don’t get five compliments, they remember the one criticism. I’ve got to work on giving more confidence, and let it win.

James Greer: 30:31 I’m going to sit here and try to close, I’ll try to close Trey. Come on, try to close. Wouldn’t it be great if everybody in here said, hey, I’m going to agree that I’m going to try to learn who I am in Christ, to stop trying to be somebody I’m not. Amen. Wouldn’t it be great? Are you all ready? Wouldn’t it be great this week if you start writing down what’s causing you to be hysterical or overreacting, wouldn’t it be great if you learn from your parents and didn’t blame your parents? I mean, your parents didn’t have school, they didn’t have a book on how to raise you. But there were some things that you brought in your marriage that you’ve never dealt with, and take the good and throw out the bad, but go ahead and talk about it. Don’t live your marriage in regret management. Man no, chase the great possibilities, and the dreams that God has for you. Agree to be responsible for your own communication, communicate your wants and dreams and desires, and don’t get upset when you have not done that, that is unfair. What I want you to do today is focus on being thankful and grateful for your mate, what you have, your church, whatever. Just, I really do, be thankful for it. Practice it today. Do it intentional.

James Greer: 31:39 Alright, bow your heads for just a minute. God, first of all, I want to pray for every couple, every person in here. God, I want them to agree and understand that you want them to become one, the two become one. God, in your word, you don’t want anything to separate them. God, I pray that each one could become closer. God, I pray whether you’re a couple, or married, or single, whatever, you’re here today, God, I pray that you touch their heart. God, I pray that they would begin to have healing. God, you said one of the ways we’re healed, is confess that you’re hurt. God, let us open up the altar today like never before, and let’s have a healing service emotionally and physically in marriages like never before. God, let us be thankful for God the Father who sent his son, Jesus Christ, that’s the reason we can be who we are. If there’s somebody here that’s never accepted Christ as our personal savior, that they hadn’t put their sins under the blood. That today they’d come and just say, man, I want to make sure I’m going to heaven. I want to be able to claim these promises. I want to have this never again list. And God, I know that because of Jesus Christ, he can bring those to you. Then most of all God, I want to bring healing, I want to bring truth, I want people to be set free. Maybe they want to join the church. Maybe they’ve never been publicly baptized, and they want to do that as a show, as a brand new start in their life, forgiven all their sins. Maybe they want to ask God to forgive them, because they’ve been so ungrateful, and they said, I’m going to start being more grateful. Whatever God’s placed upon your heart, I pray that you just do it this morning. It’s in Christ’s name I pray, stand up, and everybody said, Amen.

Recorded in Pineville, Louisiana.

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