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How to deal with the Crazy Makers in your family

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Aug 13, 2017

Romans 12:17-20, NKJV

 

  1. What not to do with the crazies in your family.
    1. Don’t avoid the person and any and all situations, but learn to set limits and
    2. Don’t give in an surrender every time, you can’t always give in and let them have their way.
    3. Learn to pick your battles—make sure it’s worth the battle.
    4. Insights to remember when picking your battles:
      1. You can win the battle and lose the war—what is the long-term effect.
      2. You are responsible for how you treat others.
      3. You may not be responsible for how they treat you.
      4. You are responsible for how you react to those who are difficult.
      5. Manage your own emotions well—stop trying to control the emotions of the other person.
      6. Focus on solutions not who’s going to win.
  1. What to do with the crazies in your family.
    1. Don’t allow jealousy to become the real problem.
      1. Jealousy – When you have all that you ought to have or need, but you still want what someone else has.
      2. Envy is when you want something someone else has that you don’t have. (Genesis 37:3-4, NLT)
        1. Most parents have favorites.
        2. Insights about favorites: You might have a favorite, but you must be fair; Showing favoritism is fatal.
      3. Danger of jealousy. (Numbers 5:14, NKJV)
        1. Causes us to do and say things we are sorry for –love causes us to do and say things we are proud of.
        2. Brings bondage—love brings freedom.
        3. Damages relationships—love heals and builds relationships.
        4. Always wants to take and get – love always wants to give.
        5. Is natural—love is supernatural. (Proverbs 14:30, NLT; James 3:14-16, NLT)
      4. Don’t cause the jealousy. (Genesis 37:3-4, NLT)
        1. Showing favoritism causes other family members to respond wrong because of jealousy.
        2. Entitlement always brings jealousy.
      5. Just because something is true does not mean you need to share it with those it might hurt. (Genesis 37:5-8, NLT)
  2. How do we overcome jealousy?
    1. Remember God is the source of meeting all your needs.
    2. Remember God is your Redeemer – Avenger, Deliver (Job 19:25, NKJV)
    3. Remember jealousy brings damage.
    4. Remember love can overcome jealousy.

Sermon Video Transcription

James Greer: 00:01 Man, I’ll tell you what, that could be our whole church. We’ve got a saying, I mess up, you mess up, we all mess up. I said, sometimes I’m crazy, sometimes you’re crazy, sometimes we are all crazy at this church. And I got an announcement to make real quick, and then we’ll get into the crazies series. The mission, it’s going to be closing, on August the 30th. For over the last five years, man, we served thousands of people with basic needs. Lisa and John and those volunteers have done a fantastic job. While it’s a little sad time, there’s even greater things in store for the mission center. It may be the end of the mission center, but it’s definitely not the end of the mission. We have a lot bigger vision to reach people in Pineville and in central Louisiana. If you want to go through there and get something out of it, you’re more than welcome to, because we’ll eventually be getting with a teen challenge.

James Greer: 00:49 Well, we’re going to do crazy makers today, the crazy makers in your family, so this should be great. You know church is like a family. Amen. This week I tweeted out you know, I was going to send out something, and I meant to say, I mess up, you mess up, we all mess up. But I said, I mess up, you mess up, let’s all get our meds up. And Lisa and Jimmy, they were texting me saying, hey, you better take it off, you better take it off. There’s a little secret to that Lisa, when we’re not medded up, we crazy. So it’s okay. I thinking sometimes I need to send it out saying, I med up, you med up, let’s all get our meds on, Amen.

James Greer: 01:27 Well, there’s four things you going to have to learn about crazies that apply to all the crazies, if you want to learn how to deal with the crazies in your family. So this going to be crazy makers in your family part one, and part two will be next week. First of all, I want you to know if a crazy in your family gets saved, they’re still crazy. I mean you know you invite them come church, you invite come church, and they finally come to church. Maybe they even get saved, we get baptized, and then you thought they’re going stop being crazy. They still crazy. The only thing that changes somebody from being crazy, is to be transformed. See if you’re not being transformed, you’re being conformed. And when I say transformed, the only way you’re are transformed. It’s like you can come to church and hear the preaching, and go out the same way and never apply it, you’re not going to be transformed. When you continually take in God’s word, and you continually apply God’s word, then you get transformation and you get a divine love and joy and peace.

James Greer: 02:20 So what I’m saying is if you know a crazy, and they come to church, they still crazy. So don’t judge Christ by other Christians, Amen. Often times God won’t change our circumstances, but he’ll change our perspective on the way that we look at the crazies. Deuteronomy 8:2 said, “Remember how the Lord your God led you through the Wilderness for forty years, humbling you and testing you to prove your character, and find out whether or not that you’re going to obey his commandments.” Can I tell you something about obedience, you all ready? Obedience brings blessings. Amen. But often obedience brings pain, before it brings the pleasures. Well what I say about that is, I don’t get up every morning saying, oh man it’s so exciting, today I get to read my Bible. But after I read my Bible, I get the pleasures of my Bible.

James Greer: 03:18 Have you ever been acting crazy and said something, or done something that you shouldn’t have in your family? And everybody said, Amen. This is journey church, I mess up, you mess up, you all say something you shouldn’t be saying. So then maybe you said it a way you shouldn’t have said it, and it’s one of those things where you know you should go say I’m sorry. That is painful, but you go tell them you’re sorry, and then you get the pleasures. See just because you become a Christian doesn’t mean that you’re going to all have all the blessings, it’s just He’s going to help you through the problems that we have. So one of the things that I want you to know is if a crazy gets saved, they’re still crazy, apart from transformation.

James Greer: 04:00 Number two, God often sends crazies into our life to build character. God’s more concerned about our character, than he is our comfort. And the two main characters he wants to build in our life is trust and patience. God must have a sense of humor. I mean every time I’m preaching on something, God puts me through it. I am going to start preaching on love pretty soon. But anyway, I got my granddaughter and daughter, and they’re out of the country. And I didn’t figure euro’s right. Me and Debbie had been out of country, and I thought the dollar was worth 1.2. But over in that part of the country it’s only worth .8, which is 80 cents on the dollar. So I said, I’ll send you all some euros. no problem, I went to Western Union. Anybody ever send anything from Western Union? You’re crazy too. I’m crazy, you’re crazy, we’re all crazy. So I go up there and I didn’t think it was too big of a deal, they just gave us a form and he’s said just fill this out. and we’ll send it to them. No problem. So I filled it out real quick, and handed it to them, and got through with it and said, now they’ll have it in 10 minutes. As I’m driving down the road and I’ve gotten about four, five miles, and they call and, they said, you know we have a Western Union about a mile and half. We walked in there to get it, and they won’t give us the money. I said, tell them to give you the money. They said, no, it has to be spelled exactly like it is on the passport. So I said, okay, no problem. I said get a 1-800 number there on Western Union, you’ve got a problem all you do is just call them right? I’ll call 1-800 number and said, this is James, I just tried to send that and I don’t have the right name on it. They said, no problem, I’ll just call you right back, but I have to call on the number. I said no problem. Is it 446-1213? I said no it’s not sir. 641-4425. I said that’s my home number. I put my cell number on it. No sir, I can’t I help you. I said, would you call them and get it fixed? No sir, all you have to do, is you have to go back to the same place and do it. No problem. I went back same place, wrote it exactly like it was supposed to be., put the exact name just like it is on the passport. They said, oh, they’ll have it 10 minutes. I’m almost at drop off. True story, they call. They said, they have to be 18 to receive euros over here. I said listen, I put the name on there, I put money in there. I gave you the number. Let them have the Daggum money. Now I’m getting a little crazy, and I’m getting louder, I’m saying kid you know it’s me. I’m telling you, it’s my number, you called me back, you know it’s me. Just give them the Daggum money. Sorry sir, you have to go back to the same place. I said, I’m 10 miles away. Sorry sir, you have to go back to the same place. Well now I’m about to lose my temper. I’m screaming and hollering. I said, Debbie, they’re driving me crazy. She said, no, you’re driving yourself crazy. I turned around and I drive back. Changed the name, put the right name on there, the right age on there, send it back. An hour later they got it, didn’t hear from, hadn’t heard from them, I hadn’t talked to them, hadn’t had a cell phone hardly at all. I finally get a text. My daughter said, hey, I got on a train, the door’s shut lost Tory. Is that driving you crazy or what? Now? Here for 30 minutes to an hour, couldn’t hear from anybody, nobody said anything. Then about an hour later they text to said, oh, we’re sorry, we meant to let you know. We both got on the train and didn’t see each other. Ask me if I got some crazy going on in my life, Amen. I mean it is all kinds of crazy.

James Greer: 07:19 The other day I was coming down the interstate. I mean right here on the expressway, and I was going a little too fast, but anyway. Then I realized I was going to church, and I grabbed the steering wheel and I pulled over in the other land. And Debbie says, would you stop doing that. I said, honey, God may have sent you crazy in your life, and it might be me. He might be trying to teach you patience and trust. No, she said, you better stop manipulating God’s word, and you better start driving right. So when other people drive us crazy, one of the main things I had to learn to do is look inside of myself. John 16:33 says, “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me, you shall have peace. In the world you’ll have tribulation (crazy), but be of good cheer. I’ve overcome the world.” See, we’re going to have crazies in our life. We’re going to have crazies and our family, but be of good cheer. And God says, Hey, I have given you peace.

James Greer: 08:08 This whole message could change from how to go from being crazy, to having peace in your life. See Jesus came to help us overcome the crazies in our life, and have peace in our life. So number one, if a crazy gets saved, they’re still crazy. Number two, God allows crazies into our life to build character, and those characters are usually trust and patience. Trust when I’m driving myself crazy is to trust God, when other people driving me crazy. It’s patience. Third remember this, the more you can try to control other people and other things, the more out of control you get. I’ll tell you what I’m doing. I’m joining controllers anonymous. I’m going to be a recovering control freak, and some of you all need to join the club. We’ll all come up here on Thursday. I’m a control freak, you’re control freak, we’re all control freaks, huh? Let’s become recovering control freaks. The only person you and I can really control is ourselves. You know, I really want to control my kids and grandkids. Because you know I really believe that I can save them a lot of heartaches, and that I can really help them, but I can only control me.

James Greer: 09:17 Now. I did learn something this weekend. I can learn to better communicate my love. When I was growing up I would say, hey son go do this. Yes sir. Or I’d say son go do that. And now this next generation if you say hey, go do that our go do this. They just say why? Because I told you so, that’s why. Amen. Now this younger generation, they really want you to tell them why. not just because you told them to. So I’ve got to learn to communicate my love better. Did you know, listen, did you know that love does not produce joy? It doesn’t. I have a lot of people I love, but I sure don’t enjoy being around them. Amen. You all do too! Some of them is sitting next to them, and don’t say that if you are anyway. So this is why, you ready, love communicated correctly and love received correctly, that produces joy. So what I have to learn is I can’t control everything, because the more I try to control, the more everything gets out of control. But I can learn to better communicate my love. Okay?

James Greer: 10:23 Fourth, don’t compare. Don’t compare, compare camouflages who you really are, and camouflages who they really are. Can you imagine, do you all know who preached in our church last Sunday? Perry Nobles. And then I got to come preach the next Sunday. Oh yeah, that’s tough. I found out I could never be Perry, but Perry can never be me either. So all right. Well the problems with families is we start comparing each other. We compare the kids, we compare our mates, we compare our home, and you got to be careful about comparison. Because listen, until you know yourself, you can’t grow yourself. That important, until you know yourself, you can’t grow. Until you really know who you are, and accept who you are, and understand God made you the way you are. And you understand how you learn, you cannot grow. So you’ve got to know yourself, before you can grow yourself.

James Greer: 11:12 I love the way that Second Corinthians 10:12 in the Living Bible puts it, “Don’t worry, I wouldn’t dare say that I’m as wonderful as the other guys and other men who tell you how good they are.” They’re problem is this, they’re just comparing themselves to each other, and they’re just measuring themselves against their own little ideas. Can I tell you something, that’s stupidity. I love the way God puts it in his word. And Second Corinthians 10:12 in the Living Bible He said, “When you start comparing, that’s stupid.” Now that’s not Brother James calling you stupid. that’s God’s word saying you’re stupid. So if you go around and compare your kids, I can’t believe you didn’t make A’s, and that one A’s. and that one playing football, and that one does basketball. Why can’t you be like the others, because God didn’t make them that way, that’s why. And if you’re not careful, comparing can cause two things that are real dangerous. Number one, if you start comparing to somebody and you think you’re better than that, then you get pride. Then if you start comparing somebody that’s a lot better than you, then you get discouragement. But you got to be careful because the psalmist said in Psalms 139:14, “God said, you’re fearfully and wonderfully made. Marvelous are your works and that your soul is very well,” In other words. God said, I made you just the way you are, look the way you are, and act the way you are. I created you that way. When you’re comparing yourself to other people, you’re saying, hey, God didn’t know what he was doing. Be careful about comparing.

James Greer: 12:33 All right, those are four things you got to know about crazy. Let me give you a couple things about crazies in your family. Romans 12:17 says, “Repay no evil for evil.” That’s hard enough right there. “Have regard for good things in the sight of all men.” Then I love the next one, “If it’s possible as much depends in you. Live peaceably with all men.” I love this says if it’s possible. Because if it says if it’s possible, there’s some crazies you just can’t be at peace with, Amen. “Beloved don’t avenge yourselves.” Very important, don’t retaliate, but rather give place to wrath. For it is written, “Vengeance is mine. I will repay, sayeth the Lord.” Whose is vengeance? The Lords. He said he’ll repay. Listen, this is what happens. If somebody does something to you, and you try to pay him back, then God says, okay, I’ll let you do it. If somebodies super ugly to you, and your super ugly to them, God’s not going to intervene. If somebody’s mean to you, somebody talking about you, and then you began to talk about them, God’s not going to intervene. He said, you did it, but God said, vengeance is mine.
James Greer: 13:36 He said in the next verse, if you read a little further, he says after that, “If your enemy is hungry, feed him, if he’s thirsty, give him a drink. for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.” Overcome evil with good. How do you overcome evil? With good? How do you overcome a crazy? With good. In other words remember this, the closer you get to somebody, the harder it is to love them. So when you’re a distance from them, you don’t know him, you just see their good side. You get closer and closer, the closer you get to somebody, the more you love somebody, the more time you spend with somebody, sometimes the harder it is to love them. But the same thing is about you, the harder you are to love. Everybody’s got a dark side though. That’s why the Bible says overcome evil with good. You got to learn to really fight your dark side. See somebody, you’ve got to overcome. See somebody’s dark side is just they are unbelievably jealous side.

James Greer: 14:26 If there was another church close to being this good, I’d be jealous, that’s pride…sorry. But anyway, if there was and every Sunday I woke up and said, man, I wish I could be like that church. I wish I could be like that pastor, and I was just jealous. What I need to do is write a note that that pastor pray for them and send them some money, because I got to overcome my dark side. If somebody’s talking about me and it’s about to drive me crazy, I’ve taught over and over, it’s not what somebody else says about you. It’s what God says about you. Right? But if they’re just are, and I can’t get over it. What I need to do, it’s easy to talk bad about them, but find something good to say about them. Every single one of us have a dark side. You’ve got to know what your dark side is, and you’ve got to overcome your dark side with good. Amen.

James Greer: 15:11 Alright, ready? Number one. First, let’s learn what not to do with the crazies in our family. I’m going to give you a couple of insights and then we’ll pick some things to do. Don’t avoid the person, but set limits and boundaries around the person. I love this, some people you just love to see them coming, right, and some people you just love to see them go. Don’t avoid them, set boundaries. Number two, don’t always give in, don’t always surrender every time. You can’t always give in, and let them have their way, and be happy. That is called fake peace. Peace, I’m at peace, at any cost. That’s what you do, you suppress how you really feel for a long period of time, and it brings self-destruction. Now my problem is not suppression it is expression, but some people can keep suppressing it and suppressing it, I often express it the wrong way. But when you suppress it long enough, listen there’s a biblical name for that, it’s call oppression. So suppression can lead to oppression and spiritual depression. But listen, spiritual oppression or depression is the result of either the wrong handling of sin or a situation. You know you should have said something, and you didn’t say something. You know you should have done something, and you didn’t do some. So you either suppress it unbelievably or you over expressed it. Oppression is often a spiritual problem. Depression can be a physical problem, but when you put spiritual oppression and depression together, you began to lose all hope. And when you lose all hope, you lose all power to change. See, the real problem is we have to learn when and how to clear the air, or we’ll never have real peace.

James Greer: 17:04 You Ready? Alright. Psalms 119:165, you’re going to need to write that down, because I can guarantee you you’ll need it. Great peace, not just peace God said, “I got a great piece for those who love your law, great peace for those who learn to apply your precepts and nothing caused them to stumble.” The amplified version says great peace. Have they who love my law? Apply the precepts. You don’t transform. You neither transforming or you’re conforming. You transform, you take in the right word and then you apply the right word consistently and you’re transformed. Conformed is when you listen to the way of the world and TV. what you see, what you hear, what you feel? I mean, if you conform, they spend billions of dollars on TV. If I drove a certain sports car, and drank a certain Bud, all the women in the world will want me. That’s conformed, that’s not transformed, and that’s not real. It’s a lie, but they try to make the lie a truth. So what I’m trying to tell you is this, spiritual oppression can lead to physical depression. God says this is how you have it, great peace have those who love the law, apply the precepts, nothing shall offend them or make them stumble.

James Greer: 18:13 I’m going to tell you what, when people offend you if you’re not careful, you will act like a crazy. Have you ever seen on the ball field and somebody got on somebody else’s kid, and that mama bear came out and started acting crazy. They offended her, so she’s going to kill him. I was at one, one time with my son Gary he was playing in the ball field and I won’t tell where it was. But anyway, and he hit the ball, and the ump said you’re out, and the other guy said it went in with the line. The coach said, no he’s out. It was my son. I said, okay, get out. A guy jumps over the fence and starts chasing him around there, and man I’m telling you he was offended and his offensive caused him to act crazy. But the Bible says, great peace for those that love my law. Great peace, have those that apply my word to the situation. So God says, no matter who the crazy is in your life, no matter what’s driving you crazy, he said, I got a precept or an application that will not offend you. In other words if you are easily offended it’s because you’re not applying God’s precepts and principles to the problem. So we got to be careful that we’re not offended too easy.

James Greer: 19:18 Does that mean everybody’s going to agree with you? Nope. But it means as you learn when and how to do it, when you apply God’s will, God’s way and God’s precepts to the situation, you can’t control what other people do, but you can still have great peace. Do you know what the Bible’s saying? That everybody in here today, if they want to, can go home with great peace. Peace is a gift from God. So what do we do? We’ll learn to pick our battles. Some battles aren’t worth fighting. Here’s a few things you can ask yourself. Is it going to matter in one year or eternity? If it’s not, just let it go. Is a person being openly respectful, or are they just responding? In other words like I said, sometimes when I tell my kids or grand kids do something, all I want them to say is yes sir. Nothing else just shut up. Well sometimes they say, all right, why do want me to do that. I just got to say, hey that’s just the way it is. And I’ve got to control the way I respond. So is it openly disrespectful just to ask why?

James Greer: 20:24 You got to remember that hurting people, hurt people. When somebody is hurting, they want to hurt other people. You all ready? One of the hardest things to do is learn to look behind the hurt, what’s really hurting that person? Why are they really acting like that? And then remember this, you can win the battle and lose the war. I do that. I’ve done that. I said man, I won, yeah we’re not speaking or seeing each other, I won. You got to remember I am responsible for how I treat others, but I’m not responsible how they treat me. I am responsible how I react to those crazies in my life. I got to learn to manage my own emotions well, and I got to stop trying to control the emotions of other people.

James Greer: 21:15 The psalms said in 46:10, it says, “Calm down and learn that I am God.” I said that in the first service, my wife was sitting there, she said, amen brother amen, calm down. But what I am saying is when I started getting really upset, when the crazies are upsetting me, or I’m the crazy one myself. One of the first thing I do is learn to calm down and know that he’s God. Because what’s getting me so upset is they’re not doing what I asked. So that means I’m thinking I’m God, that’s wrong. You see. Or they’re doing something they think, then they’re telling me to do something I don’t want to do, then I’m thinking their God. He said, nah just calm down, relax, know that I’m God. God’s in control of the peace of your life, and he wants to give you not just peace, he wants to give you a great peace.

James Greer: 22:01 So this is what I’d like to do. I’d like for you to pick one of these things this morning to work on. Not all of them, that would be too tough. Know if a crazy gets saved, there’s still crazy apart from transformation. Don’t judge Christ by other Christians. Okay? Don’t do it. Judge Christ by who he is. Now you get the right information, which is God’s word, and you constantly apply it to the situation that brings transformation. So my question to you, is there an area or person, that you need to apply God’s word to? Somebody who’s just driving you crazy. Number two, God often allows crazies in our lives to build character. That character is trust and patience. Is there somebody in your life, you got to listen, that maybe God’s allowed in your life, that’s a crazy in your life? And God is trying to teach you more trust and more patience. Did you know the children of Israel, they kept wandering around the wilderness 40 years, because they did not obey God. Obedience brings blessing, but often obedience is a pain before it’s a pleasure. So listen, is there some character that God’s trying to build in your lie? Is it trust or patience?

James Greer: 23:05 Third. Do you keep trying to control the outcome of other things, other than yourself? You’re trying to be in such control that you get out of control? Some of you all need to just join my club, recovering control freaks, Amen. Love does not produce joy, only communicating correctly and receiving correctly produces joy.

James Greer: 23:25 Fourth. Have you been comparing yourself, your mate, your kids. The Bible said, that is stupid. The Bible says you’re fearfully and wonderfully made, that stop doing that. Have you learned that you have a dark side that you’ve got to overcome? Only you know what it is. and you overcome evil with good. Don’t avoid the crazies in your life, but set limits and boundaries around them. You can’t suppress it. You can’t over express it. You have to learn when and how to clear the air, to have real peace instead of fake peace.

James Greer: 24:09 Psalms 119:165. We’ll get ready, “Great peace I have for you who loved the law. Nothing still offend you or make you stumble.” You know what God says? I’ve got this unbelievable great peace for everybody at this church. Now that Romans 15:33 said, “Now the god of peace be with you all.” Well if the god of peace be with you all, you got to have the god of peace in you. And the way you get the God of peace in you, there has to be a time that you know that you sinned. You’ve been trying to live your life without God, and today you believe God loves you so much that he sent his only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, to die for your sins.

James Greer: 24:45 Do you understand that Jesus was obedient to the point of death, that was pain. But he didn’t stay there, he got the pleasures of his obedience, he sits in the right hand of the father. And he offered intercession for me and you, that’s how much he loves you. Do you understand that nobody here has to go home the same way they came. Did you know there’s some of you all that have been coming to church, and you know this is the church that God wants you in. Just a minute, when I give an invitation, you need to step out. Some of you all don’t have the peace, this great peace that I’m talking about. Instead of being transformed today, you’re going to go out and just be conformed. And instead of applying God’s word, you’re going to go out and live the same way you did before. You don’t have to. When I give an invitation, you can just step down, and you can come to this altar even by yourself and say, God, I need this great peace that you promised. I want the god of all peace to be with me today. I want to apply the precepts and the principles of your word to any and every situation in my life that I’ve struggled with, because you said if I did that, I won’t be offended. Some of you have never really been publicly baptized. We got tee shirts. We’ve got four that are going to be baptized the next service. If you want to be just come to the front and say, hey next service I want to get baptized. We’ll put you on a t shirt and baptize you. So whatever God’s called you into, the worst thing you can do is go home the same way you came.

James Greer: 25:59 So let’s stand up. Let me pray with you, pray for you. God I love you. Thank you for your son, Jesus Christ. I thank you that you can give us great peace in spite of our circumstances. I thank you that God if we learn to apply your word and your principles and your precept, to any situation, you said we could have great peace. God, for those that you call to join our church. I pray when we give the invitation, they just step out. Those that they called, they don’t have that peace, that they would just step out. God, whatever you call each one of us to do, let us be obedient. Enjoy the blessings of God, it’s in your name I pray.

Recorded in Pineville, Louisiana.

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