Who Are You and How Did You Get There?
Truths to Consider:
- When we don’t know who we are and how we got there, we spend much of our life and marriage trying to be someone we are not.
- We become who we were around (parent-grandparent-greatest influence).
- God + others = decisions we make and who we often think we are.
- Couples often get married and falsely believe everything bad in their life will disappear.
- Learning, dealing, and handling past hurts correctly brings healing.
- Secret sins keep us sick; sins others do to us make us sick. (James 5:6, NKJV)
- What is not healed will hurt you and others.
Talk about past hurts and
- What were your parents like?
- How did you really feel
- What are a few good things that you learned from your parents?
- What are a few bad things that you hope you don’t bring into this marriage or relationship?
- What do you feel is the greatest hurt or baggage you might have brought into this relationship?
- Don’t live your marriage in regret management, but rather chasing your remarkable future. (Discovering the wonderful possibilities God has for both of us.) (Philippians 3:13, TLB)
- In the future, we agree it is our job to clearly communicate our wants, likes and desires.
- It is our responsibility to listen, but not fix.
- We agree and commit an unspoken expectation is an unfair expectation.
- We are responsible for communicating our own dreams, desires, and longings.
Marriages are worth fighting for so AGREE to:
- Stop allowing problems to hijack our progress. (Romans 5:3, TLB)
- Pick times to talk about problems, but do not do it in a way to air grievances or win the arguments.
Desireto show love and respect to one another.
- If we allow others to help influence us we can only do so if we both agree on who that is. (Needs to be a person of wisdom and married)
- Be kind to each other. (Ephesians 4:32, NKJV; Romans 12:10, NKJV)
- Trust each other. (1 Corinthians 13:7, NKJV; CEV)
- Trust each other to be honest, open, truthful, and encouraging.
- Trust what we say will be safe with me and not used against me as a weapon.
- Make time for each other. (1 Timothy 4:7, TLB)
- Make time by appointment and automatic (unplanned).
- We will not use this time to make the other person feel bad or unfulfilled.
- Agree on times each day no phone or social media.
- Agree on times each week for a date night. During this time:
- See and hear the other person.
- Receive what you are hearing as importance.
- Don’t use what is being said against the other person.
- Agree to not be over demanding, but instead thankful we are both agreeing and trying.
- Agree to practice being more thankful for what we have and each other. (1 Thessalonians 5:1-19, NKJV)
- Avoid the natural which is to zoom in on the flaws; work hard to find the good.
- It is impossible to be grateful and angry at the same time.
- It takes five compliments for every one criticism if you want the compliments to win over the criticism